What if I told you that you were meant to be more than just someone’s husband or wife? What if I told you that God could do things through the single you that the married version couldn’t do? That would pretty much go against every single Christian thought that says marriage and children are the ultimate achievements of your life and that anything else is just an audition till you find that special someone. Welp, I’m here to call bullshit on that train of thought and tell you something different.
Who am I? I’m a single 26-year-old dude who hopes to God that I get married one day, but until then, I would say my life is pretty awesome.
I’ve gotten to do some sweet things and go to places that I never thought I would go, but that wasn’t always the case. I used to wonder if life was worth living and if experiences are worth having if I didn’t have that special someone next to me to experience them with me. I lived life in this perpetual cycle of adding things to my “Potential Husband Resume.”
A potential husband is attractive, so I started working out. A potential husband dresses well, so I started shopping at the place all the cool kids shopped. A potential husband can cook, but, well, I still can’t cook, so please future wife, don’t hold that against me.
Most of my life was catered to this thought that if I did the right things and thought the right way, then the person of my dreams would someday notice and then mission accomplished. And then I asked myself the question that would forever change things for me: “Is that really all I want and who God made me to be?”
Even if you don’t know what you believe about faith, let’s say there’s a God in heaven who sees everything that is right and wrong with the world. Let’s say that God designed me the way that I am with all of the desires and quirks that I have.
Is that God’s plan for me to just fine-tune myself so I can find the comfort of being with someone else?
The answer I came to was, no.
Don’t get me wrong. I still want to get married and hope that happens one day, but marriage—is that it?
“But David,” you say…
“Marriage is the greatest adventure you can ever go on. Getting to know someone, be known by that person, and building a life together is the greatest joy you can ever imagine.” And I agree, but I still want more. And one of the reasons I want more is because, and I say this with all the love in the world, a lot of marriages are pretty depressing to me.
I’m dead smack in the middle of my 20’s, and I’ve seen a great chunk of my friends get married. I once had a summer where I went to 12 weddings, DJ’ed a few, and even had the honor of getting to be the officiant at my friend Alex and Leah’s wedding. And I loved every single one.
But after each wedding, time and time again, I saw my friends retreat to the burbs and start their “real lives.” I saw people I once believed could be the President give it all up so they could be wives or husbands. It was like watching a bunch of Supermans decide they were OK being Clark Kent.
This may sound harsh, but I could probably count on one hand the marriages I’ve looked at and said: “Those two are doing something special.” And I’m sorry, but I want more than that.
I’m not saying you have to be crazy radical or do something famous for your life to matter. God can call us into all sorts of powerful Kingdom impact that goes largely unseen but matters deeply.
My life has been forever changed by people who lived lives of quiet power who decided to love and build into me knowing that they would never receive fame but approval from the same God they are also running after. But that kind of impact only comes when God is at the center, and when He is, I believe he moves us way beyond the typical American lifestyle of a house, two kids, pursuing comfort and the status quo, repeat.
I believe that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. I believe God made me how he did so that I could help make the world around me a bit more like the way it should be. I want to get married because I want someone to take on the world with me instead of them becoming my world. I want to fall in love with someone who is dedicated to a mission larger than me. I want to run tirelessly after the more significant things in life. When I die, I want people to say, “man, they made their marriage count; instead of I’m glad they found each other.”
So until I find that person, I’m going to go after the things I was truly made for that have an eternal impact. And when I hopefully do, I hope she’s got her work shoes on because we’ve got some work to do. God made me to be more than just a spouse. He made me to become something I’ve yet to see, and I’m excited to get there—with or without a spouse.
What strikes you most about this passage? Why that? (Noticing what jumps out to you might be the beginning of hearing from God. Lean into it.)
How do you feel about being single in general? How do you feel about it in light of this article?
What would it look like for you to find and lean into the gifts God has given you? If you need help getting started, use the “chat” button crossroads.net to talk to someone about how to do that more.
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