Wisdom for Relationships

The most important relationships in your life are often the hardest ones to handle. This week we will learn what Wisdom looks like in some of our closest relationships.

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    Hey, welcome to Crossroads.
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    I'm so excited that you're joining us today.
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    I'm Hannah Driskill and we are in an awesome series
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    and we can't wait to talk to you about it
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    because Crossroads is a place that you can belong
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    no matter where you live or what you believe about God.
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    We're in a collection of talks about wisdom,
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    and today we hear from our very own pastor
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    of the online church community, Andy Ryder,
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    talking to us about wisdom in relationships.
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    I know that's an area that I need to hear
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    and I'm excited to hear what he has to say.
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    But before we get to Andy,
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    we're going to engage in a time of music here
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    that we just call worship,
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    which is us echoing to God prayers
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    and listening to what He says about us as well in the process.
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    So if you are at home or in a coffee shop
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    or driving, wherever you're experiencing this,
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    turn the volume up.
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    And this is not the opportunity to lean out,
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    but lean in and connect with God a little bit
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    before we hear what he has to say to us today.
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    - Come on. You know, I think when we sing lines like
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    the battle belongs to you, you know,
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    what I think we're basically saying is that,
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    Lord, we leave the outcome in your hands.
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    Whatever it is, we leave it in your hands.
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    I think that's the proper posture to have at the Creator,
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    the maker of all things is to come to Him
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    with open arms and open hands saying,
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    Lord, we trust you with the outcome of our lives,
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    with the outcome of this world.
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    That's why we sing.
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    I like us as we continue to worship the Lord through song
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    just to open our hands up,
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    to have a posture of trust before Him.
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    Hands open wide, ready to receive whatever He has for us
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    because I believe He is more than able in any situation.
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    He is more than able, the God we sing to,
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    the God we love, the God we trust,
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    the God that we're trying to figure out.
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    This is the right way to approach Him
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    because He has things for us.
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    He has things He wants to download to us,
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    and if we open our hands and open our hearts,
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    I think we show Him that we come ready for whatever He has.
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    No matter the outcome, we know it's in your hands.
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    So we sing.
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    - Let me pray for us.
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    Lord, it's such a beauty to be in Your presence,
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    to sing to You, to get our bodies in line with who You are,
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    with the truth, that you are a good father
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    set out to have relationship with your kids.
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    So for that, Lord, we turn our attention
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    and our affection to You in this moment
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    and just say thank you for all You've done
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    and for who You are.
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    Would your Holy Spirit fill our lives and fill our hearts.
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    We're so thankful. Amen.
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    We all want a life that works.
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    We buy books, we listen to podcasts,
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    and we follow gurus who promise the secret to what we crave:
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    a life full of meaning, connection, fun and adventure.
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    We look to those who have done well before us
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    and we ask ourselves, How can I get some of that?
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    We seek knowledge and understanding,
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    but we need something deeper:
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    we need wisdom.
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    The Bible gives us a path to wisdom
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    laid out in three Old Testament books,
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    often called The Wisdom Literature.
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    Proverbs, Ecclesiastes and Job are the roadmap
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    to understanding where godly wisdom comes from
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    and what God has to say about how to live our lives well.
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    - One of the reasons we do Go Trips is because
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    we know that it is an action filled adventure
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    that is sure to leave us all changed.
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    I recently went on a Go Trip
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    and I certainly came back with a new perspective
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    and a few new passions.
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    And if you are interested in learning more about that
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    or how you can get engaged,
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    you can go to Crossroads.net/Go.
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    Whether we're talking about global partnerships,
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    local partnerships, when we give,
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    we are partnering with organizations
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    who are making a difference in their own communities,
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    who are maybe investing in the church.
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    And if you want to be a part of that,
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    if you want to learn more about how to give,
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    how to partner with people who are making a difference,
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    you can go to Crossroads.net/give.
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    Well, I'm so excited for what comes next
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    because we get to hear from our online pastor, Andy Ryder,
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    who's talking about wisdom in relationships.
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    And if you're watching this,
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    I bet you have a relationship, whether it's with
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    a partner or a kid or a family member or a parent,
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    you know that maybe you need a little bit of wisdom.
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    I know I need a little bit of wisdom.
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    So let's hear what Andy has to say right now.
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    Welcome to Crossroads.
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    - My name is Andy Reider,
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    Community pastor of Crossroads Anywhere.
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    I promise there's a reason for this.
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    Today we're talking about wisdom.
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    But I want to start off
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    by telling you a quick pizza related story.
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    The year was 2010, and a guy,
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    28 year old guy named Laszlo Hanyecz put in a request
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    in an online forum that if someone would just send him
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    two delicious pizzas, he would send them back 10,000 Bitcoin.
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    Now 10,000 Bitcoin for two large, honestly,
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    fairly mediocre pizzas.
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    Do you have any sense of what 10,000 bitcoin
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    would be worth in today's value?
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    $347 million. I mean $347 million for two pizzas.
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    If Laszlo could have just waited.
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    All right, back to my day job.
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    Now. I tell you that story because I think it highlights
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    the difference between having information,
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    having knowledge, and having wisdom.
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    You know, Laszlo had all kinds of information.
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    He had the information that he needed. Right?
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    He knew the current exchange rate of Bitcoin
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    when the value was $41 and he knew what two pizzas were worth.
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    And so he did his calculation and made his decision.
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    But I think we'd all agree. Right?
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    Like that's different than wisdom.
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    There's a difference between knowledge and wisdom.
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    I heard somebody describe it this way.
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    I really, really liked it.
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    But like, knowledge is facts.
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    Knowledge is knowing facts.
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    Wisdom takes it further and is having facts,
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    having information, but knowing how to apply them.
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    But then there's even something bigger,
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    something better than that that is godly wisdom.
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    And godly wisdom is when you have wisdom, you have facts,
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    and you know how to apply those things over a lifetime
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    with how God designed you and designed the universe.
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    There's this quote that I just love by C.S Lewis
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    where he says,
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    "You can go against the grain of the universe,
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    but you're going to get splinters."
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    And I think that happens, right?
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    Like, we as a generation
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    have more information than anyone ever.
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    We have more access, like, right in our hands or,
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    you know, we can get more information,
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    more data than at any point in human history.
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    And we also have greater levels of anxiety,
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    greater levels of depression,
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    greater levels of uncertainty about the future
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    than any generation before us.
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    There's something about knowledge
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    that just isn't enough.
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    It's not translating into wisdom,
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    and I believe most importantly, godly wisdom
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    for us to actually walk through life successfully.
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    So I want to read you something here. This is Proverbs 4.
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    And Proverbs is a book of the Bible
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    that really highlights the importance of wisdom.
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    But Proverbs doesn't mean wisdom.
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    Proverbs actually means comparison.
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    That's what that Hebrew word means.
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    It's actually defining for us a comparison
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    between what it looks like to take one path,
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    and that is to live without wisdom and compare that
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    against what it looks like to live with wisdom.
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    Proverbs 4:5-7 just highlights the need,
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    the desperation, the importance of wisdom, saying this:
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    Get wisdom, get understanding;
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    do not forget my words or swerve from them.
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    Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you.;
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    love her, and she will watch over you.
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    Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom.
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    Though it cost all you have, get understanding.
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    Man, I think that's just such a beautiful picture
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    of what you and I want, of what you and I need.
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    We need wisdom. We want true understanding.
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    We want true godly wisdom to know how to live.
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    You know, think of it this way, like,
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    nobody wants to end up in a dead end job
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    or an unhealthy relationship or a broken home
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    or a failed marriage or a career they hate.
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    No one wants to tank their lives, right?
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    The same way Laszlo
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    or no one would want to give away $347 million.
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    Nobody wants those things.
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    And yet there's something about
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    trying to walk through life on our own,
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    trying to figure it all out on our own
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    that just sets us up for failure.
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    But God didn't intend that for us.
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    God actually set up a structure
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    where we could receive wisdom from Him, from God,
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    from Him, from himself and from other people
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    that have walked through life before us.
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    And so I want to go back to Proverbs 4
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    and zoom out a little bit to show you
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    just one more thing from that passage.
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    Proverbs 4 starts off saying this:
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    Listen, my son, to a father's instruction;
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    pay attention and gain understanding.
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    I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching.
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    For I too was a son to my father,
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    still tender, and cherished by my mother.
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    Then he taught me, and he said to me,
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    "Take hold of my words with all your heart;
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    keep my commands, and you will live.
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    Get wisdom, get understanding;
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    do not forsake my words or turn from them.
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    Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you;
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    love her, and she'll watch over you.
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    The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom.
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    Though it cost all you have, get understanding.
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    Now, there was a lot there, but I hope you heard in there
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    who this was referring to, right?
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    This book is written, Book of Proverbs is written
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    by this guy Solomon.
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    He's known as like the wisest guy to have ever lived.
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    And he's writing these words,
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    but he's describing where he got the wisdom.
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    He's saying these are things my father showed me.
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    These are things my father taught me.
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    I'm receiving his words as wisdom
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    and letting them direct how I walk through life.
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    Now, getting advice is one thing, but getting advice
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    from, like, a really great person
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    whose life you'd like to emulate, that's another thing.
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    Now, the guy that Solomon was getting wisdom from
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    is a character you might know, he's a guy from the Bible
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    who honestly had a lot of wins and a lot of losses.
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    He was a poet. He was a warrior.
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    He was a general. He was a worshiper.
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    He was a murderer. He was an adulterer.
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    He killed his best friend. He slayed giants.
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    This guy was David.
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    David is the guy whose wisdom we are receiving
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    through the Book of Proverbs.
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    And just, I love that.
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    Like, that reminds me, David, for all of his faults,
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    he was brave, he was strong, he was courageous,
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    he led, he was humbled,
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    he failed and sometimes spectacularly.
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    But he was still known as a man after God's own heart.
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    It was a guy who led boldly, led courageously, and, man,
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    the world is a different place because of him.
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    So when I think, man, that's a guy whose wisdom
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    I really, really want to receive.
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    And it's not just, like, who the wisdom is coming from,
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    it's when the wisdom is coming, right?
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    The wisdom that we're receiving here,
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    what we just heard described in Proverbs 4
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    is sort of like the last words from David, right?
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    It's sort of like final thoughts from a father
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    to his son before the father passes away.
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    And this idea, like, this idea of, like, famous last words
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    or wisdom passed on before we lose a loved one
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    is, like, so baked into our DNA, into our culture,
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    even into our entertainment, that I just love it.
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    I can think of so many examples.
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    You think of, like, famous last words
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    that passed on little nuggets of wisdom.
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    You've got Obi-Wan.
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    - You can't win, Darth.
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    If you strike me down, I shall become
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    more powerful than you can possibly imagine
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    - You've got Yoda.
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    - Luke,
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    the Force runs strong in your family.
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    Pass on what you have learned
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    - You've got Jack and Rose on the Titanic.
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    - Promise me that you'll survive,
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    that you won't give up no matter what happens,
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    no matter how hopeless.
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    - It's --
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    - Promise me now, Rose,
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    and never let go of that promise.
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    - I promise. - You've even got Rocky.
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    - What I'm trying to say is
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    - if I can change. - [translator]
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    - Then you can change. - [translator]
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    - Everybody can change. - [translator].
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    [cheers and applause]
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    - We've got all kinds of wisdom passed on.
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    There's something about it being last words,
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    last bits of wisdom that I think just elevates it
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    and takes it to another level.
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    That's what we're receiving here in Proverbs.
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    And as I was preparing for this talk,
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    I was actually reminded of three people,
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    three people in my life who have instilled wisdom
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    into me deeply before they passed away,
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    whose wisdom and the things they've shared with me,
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    like, just occupy a special place in my attention,
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    a special place even in my habits,
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    because of the importance of their lives
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    and their legacy in me.
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    And I want to introduce you to them today.
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    I want to introduce you to them.
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    I want to give you a narrative.
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    I want to walk you through some different places
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    in the Bible to get wisdom and also
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    some different characters in my own life in the hopes
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    that you can approach life with more boldness,
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    with more confidence, with more clarity,
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    with more certainty, even in the midst of uncertainty.
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    I say this, not as a guy who has everything dialed in
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    or everything with a pretty bow on it.
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    My life is insane.
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    I've been living out of suitcases
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    for the last five weeks as our home that my wife and I
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    and our family have been working on for eight years.
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    Like, we believe this is a thing
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    God put on our hearts eight years ago.
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    We've been working at this thing.
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    It's still not ready.
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    It's still not ready.
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    It's costing more. It's taking longer.
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    And we're living out of suitcases
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    with kids seven, five and four.
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    Straight up, it sucks. It sucks.
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    And we just found out there was another delay,
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    we don't know where the money is going to come from.
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    We don't know we're going to live next week.
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    Life is insane right now and I'm not freaking out,
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    like, I've seen God show up.
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    I feel like He's giving me some wisdom through these people
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    that I want to pass along so that no matter
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    what's in front of you, no matter what uncertainty,
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    no matter what challenge, you have some gas in the tank.
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    You aren't just trying to figure it out on your own.
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    You are walking forward with God's wisdom for your life.
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    So the first character that I want to introduce you to is,
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    she is absolutely a character.
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    Her name is Kathy Beechum.
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    Her legacy around here is absolutely enormous.
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    Not a week goes by where somebody in leadership isn't,
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    like, what would Kathy say or do in this situation?
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    She is one of those people who's just a success,
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    like, you know, those people who are a success professionally
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    and they're just like rock stars climbing the corporate ladder.
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    And then, you know, those people who like personally,
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    they're just loved, like, well thought of.
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    They're intentional people. They're thoughtful people.
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    They're highly connected.
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    Kathy was both of those things to the extreme.
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    Like, at a ten.
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    She was -- well, she started life actually
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    humble beginnings, was actually a nun in a convent.
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    She joined the order when she was very, very young.
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    And by some accounts, she was not a very good nun.
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    If you're wondering which one she is,
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    she's got the white and the black with the cross.
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    Yes, that's Kathy. She was amazing.
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    But she started off this.
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    Apparently she wasn't a great nun.
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    If I'm remembering the story correctly, she was,
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    like, sneaking out in the parking lot
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    and smoking cigarettes and drinking booze
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    and then going back in for mass.
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    But she started life there and basically grew
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    to this point of being a C-suite executive
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    at one of the largest banks in the country.
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    She did it all and she was the most relationally connected
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    and invested person I have ever met.
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    She's just one of those people like you see
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    the way she runs her life,
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    the way she orders her personal life,
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    the way she orders her professional life,
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    the way she orders her relationships.
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    It's like, man, I wish I could do that.
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    She just seemed like she had enormous capacity.
  • 00:34:20
    And I was at a point in my life where I was
  • 00:34:22
    honestly a bit depressed.
  • 00:34:23
    I was feeling really, really stuck.
  • 00:34:25
    Like, I didn't know what I was supposed to do with my life.
  • 00:34:28
    I was feeling lost, a bit uncertain,
  • 00:34:30
    very, very stuck, very undervalued.
  • 00:34:32
    And Kathy sat me down and she actually offered me
  • 00:34:36
    a job that led to the job that I have now.
  • 00:34:38
    And the reason I took it, in large part,
  • 00:34:40
    was because I would have the chance to report to her.
  • 00:34:43
    And I knew I wanted her wisdom.
  • 00:34:45
    And one of our very, very first one on ones,
  • 00:34:48
    she sat me down and she held out this notebook,
  • 00:34:51
    like, an actual, honest to God, like red notebook.
  • 00:34:54
    And she opened up, every page was covered, like,
  • 00:34:56
    all the margins, every page was covered with,
  • 00:34:58
    like, this just illegible handwriting.
  • 00:35:01
    She said, "This is my notebook."
  • 00:35:02
    And I said, "That's great, Kathy/"
  • 00:35:04
    She said, "In this notebook, I have a ritual that I do.
  • 00:35:08
    Every Sunday night I sit down and I say,
  • 00:35:12
    "Who wouldn't want to be the next week?"
  • 00:35:14
    And want to pause there and say, and ask you a question.
  • 00:35:17
    How many different hats do you wear over the course of a week?
  • 00:35:20
    How many different hats do you wear,
  • 00:35:22
    do you put on the hat of an employee,
  • 00:35:25
    the hat of a husband or a wife,
  • 00:35:27
    the hat of a brother or a sister or a friend
  • 00:35:30
    or a boss or an employee or a follower of Jesus?
  • 00:35:33
    How many different hats do you wear over the course of a week?
  • 00:35:37
    This is how Kathy approached her week.
  • 00:35:39
    She would sit down with her notebook
  • 00:35:40
    and she would talk to God.
  • 00:35:42
    She would write down each hat that she was going to occupy,
  • 00:35:45
    each hat that she was going to wear that week.
  • 00:35:47
    And she would say, "What would it look like
  • 00:35:48
    for me to be a better wife this week?
  • 00:35:51
    What would it look like
  • 00:35:52
    for me to be a better employee this week?
  • 00:35:55
    What would it look like
  • 00:35:56
    for me to be a better manager this week?
  • 00:35:57
    What would it look like
  • 00:35:58
    for me to be a better friend this week?"
  • 00:36:00
    And she would make a plan.
  • 00:36:02
    She would make a plan.
  • 00:36:03
    And then, believe it or not, she would actually do those things.
  • 00:36:06
    And man, people felt so loved and cared for
  • 00:36:09
    and known and seen by her.
  • 00:36:11
    It was just amazing.
  • 00:36:13
    Psalm 90:12 says this:
  • 00:36:16
    So teach us to number our days,
  • 00:36:18
    that we might gain a heart of wisdom.
  • 00:36:22
    I love that verse and I love it even more
  • 00:36:24
    because someone shared with me a while back
  • 00:36:26
    that that number, teach us to number our days,
  • 00:36:29
    doesn't just mean to count, right?
  • 00:36:30
    That's what I would think of.
  • 00:36:32
    It doesn't mean teach us to count our days.
  • 00:36:34
    It actually means teach us to appoint our days.
  • 00:36:38
    It's saying we want to do something intentional
  • 00:36:40
    with the time we've been given.
  • 00:36:42
    Teach us to appoint the days and the hours
  • 00:36:44
    and the minutes and the months and the years
  • 00:36:46
    and the decades that we've been given
  • 00:36:48
    so that we might live wisely.
  • 00:36:52
    That's what Kathy did. She appointed her days.
  • 00:36:55
    She appointed her days to be an amazing wife,
  • 00:36:59
    to be an amazing manager, because she was, man,
  • 00:37:02
    to be an amazing employee, to be an amazing friend.
  • 00:37:05
    Hey, you want a legacy like Kathy's,
  • 00:37:09
    a legacy of deep wisdom and incredible intentionality.
  • 00:37:15
    What would happen in your life if you lived that way
  • 00:37:18
    for one week, for one month, or for one year?
  • 00:37:23
    Man, I think if you made a habit like Kathy's,
  • 00:37:28
    you could do what Psalm 90:12 says,
  • 00:37:31
    that you could live with wisdom.
  • 00:37:35
    I'm grateful for Kathy's wisdom.
  • 00:37:37
    And it reminds me actually of a second character
  • 00:37:40
    that I want to introduce you to.
  • 00:37:41
    This one's a bit more personal, a bit closer to home to me.
  • 00:37:46
    And I want to describe the kind of person that she was.
  • 00:37:48
    You know those people who are just the life of the party.
  • 00:37:51
    Like, people are just, like, they just have, like,
  • 00:37:53
    this magnetic pull to them.
  • 00:37:54
    People are drawn to them.
  • 00:37:55
    They're charismatic, they're energetic.
  • 00:37:57
    But even more than that, they're not just entertaining,
  • 00:38:00
    like, they're real, right?
  • 00:38:02
    Like, they'll say the thing that nobody else will say.
  • 00:38:04
    They'll say the thing that everybody's thinking,
  • 00:38:06
    but too shy or too insecure to say.
  • 00:38:08
    And don't you just love those people?
  • 00:38:10
    Like, this was my sister, Katie.
  • 00:38:14
    Katie was absolutely that magnetic personality.
  • 00:38:18
    And I thought it was just, like, who she was.
  • 00:38:20
    I thought it was, like, just her personality or just,
  • 00:38:22
    like, hardwired into her DNA.
  • 00:38:25
    And it wasn't until much later in her life
  • 00:38:28
    that we actually had a conversation about it,
  • 00:38:30
    because I noticed on her notebooks,
  • 00:38:32
    even on, like, the inside brim of her hat,
  • 00:38:35
    she had three letters written everywhere,
  • 00:38:38
    everywhere, every notebook, every little scraps of paper
  • 00:38:41
    or like her hat,
  • 00:38:42
    everywhere she'd have three letters written.
  • 00:38:44
    And I asked her like, "Hey, what is what does that mean?"
  • 00:38:48
    And the letters were R, T and V.
  • 00:38:51
    I asked her what that meant, and she said,
  • 00:38:54
    "That's who I choose to be every day.
  • 00:38:57
    RTV is who I try and decide to be every day when I wake up
  • 00:39:01
    and I put reminders all over my life
  • 00:39:04
    to remind myself to be R, T, and V."
  • 00:39:08
    So I was just like, hooked.
  • 00:39:09
    I was like, what does it mean?
  • 00:39:11
    That sounds amazing. That's so important.
  • 00:39:13
    She's like, "Every day I choose to be real,
  • 00:39:16
    to be transparent and to be vulnerable."
  • 00:39:20
    I got to tell you, it's one thing to be real.
  • 00:39:23
    It's one thing to be transparent.
  • 00:39:24
    It's one thing to be vulnerable when everything's great.
  • 00:39:27
    It's a much, much, much different thing
  • 00:39:30
    to be when it's not.
  • 00:39:31
    And that's what the world needs,
  • 00:39:33
    they need people who are going to be themselves,
  • 00:39:36
    they're going to be a real person
  • 00:39:38
    no matter what's going on.
  • 00:39:39
    And Kathy -- sorry, my sister Katie,
  • 00:39:42
    she practiced this to the extreme.
  • 00:39:45
    Katie was an incredible musician.
  • 00:39:47
    I come from a family of musicians, and Katie was,
  • 00:39:50
    I think, by far we would all say the most talented.
  • 00:39:53
    She was even getting, like, some national prominence,
  • 00:39:55
    like, record deals and that kind of stuff.
  • 00:39:57
    And then she got sick. She got sick.
  • 00:39:59
    We thought it was something really, really minor at first,
  • 00:40:02
    but it ended up being a really incredibly, incredibly rare
  • 00:40:06
    non-cancerous tumor at the base of her skull.
  • 00:40:09
    Her doctor was literally calling people in China to,
  • 00:40:11
    like, try and figure out what to do with this thing.
  • 00:40:14
    And we just saw her health deteriorate.
  • 00:40:17
    We saw her go from being the most --
  • 00:40:19
    the life of the party, the most vibrant, energetic person
  • 00:40:22
    to being 90 pounds, lost her right eye,
  • 00:40:26
    could barely function, could barely move.
  • 00:40:28
    And watching her on stage performing
  • 00:40:33
    and being real transparent and vulnerable is one thing.
  • 00:40:36
    But watching someone suffer,
  • 00:40:39
    watching someone endure, watching someone
  • 00:40:42
    go through unimaginable, unimaginable illness
  • 00:40:46
    and still decide to be real,
  • 00:40:49
    to be transparent and to be vulnerable,
  • 00:40:51
    to share with other people what she was feeling,
  • 00:40:53
    what she was thinking, what she was --
  • 00:40:55
    the ways that she was hurting was beautiful.
  • 00:40:59
    And honestly, I think Jesus loved it.
  • 00:41:01
    I think Jesus loved her authenticity,
  • 00:41:04
    her RTV-ness in that moment.
  • 00:41:06
    And I even think of, like, I even --
  • 00:41:10
    honestly, hearing her talk reminds me of the Psalms.
  • 00:41:13
    Again, we're coming back to David time and time again.
  • 00:41:16
    It reminds me of the Psalms that David wrote
  • 00:41:18
    where he didn't mince his words,
  • 00:41:20
    he didn't pretend everything was great when it wasn't.
  • 00:41:23
    But David was real, transparent and vulnerable.
  • 00:41:28
    Here's one, he just said, and you can you can almost hear
  • 00:41:31
    the agony in his voice as he says this.
  • 00:41:33
    And I think Katie would have related to these words.
  • 00:41:36
    How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
  • 00:41:39
    How long will you hide your face from me?
  • 00:41:42
    How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
  • 00:41:44
    and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
  • 00:41:48
    How long will my enemy triumph over me?
  • 00:41:50
    Look on me and answer, Lord, my God.
  • 00:41:53
    Give light to my eyes or I will sleep in death.
  • 00:41:56
    And my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
  • 00:41:58
    and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
  • 00:42:01
    But I trust in your unfailing love.
  • 00:42:05
    My heart rejoices in your salvation.
  • 00:42:08
    I will sing the Lord's praise for he has been good to me.
  • 00:42:13
    There's so much going on in that few verses
  • 00:42:16
    that I'd love to unpack,
  • 00:42:17
    but there's a deep, deep, deep sense of, like,
  • 00:42:21
    being unwilling to lie, being unwilling to say something
  • 00:42:25
    trite or fake or a half truth
  • 00:42:29
    when we have an opportunity to be honest, to be authentic,
  • 00:42:32
    to be real, transparent and vulnerable.
  • 00:42:35
    That's wisdom from the Psalms,
  • 00:42:38
    that's wisdom from the Proverbs,
  • 00:42:39
    and that's wisdom from my sister
  • 00:42:41
    that, man, we are a world that has too much that's shellacked,
  • 00:42:45
    that has too much that's edited or cropped or filtered out.
  • 00:42:50
    Like, we need people who are willing to be real,
  • 00:42:54
    to be transparent and to be vulnerable.
  • 00:42:57
    It is something that, again, I'm trying to practice right now.
  • 00:43:02
    I think Christianity gets this, like, viewpoint
  • 00:43:05
    that it's not -- it's irrelevant to real life
  • 00:43:07
    because it only talks about like lofty ideas
  • 00:43:10
    or love or pie in the sky theology.
  • 00:43:13
    The Bible is gritty and raw and real.
  • 00:43:17
    Anyone who reads the Bible or anything else
  • 00:43:19
    and tells you life is all great
  • 00:43:20
    and it's all going to have a pretty bow on it,
  • 00:43:22
    they are selling you something.
  • 00:43:24
    That is not my goal today.
  • 00:43:26
    I want you to understand that life can be incredibly beautiful
  • 00:43:29
    and can at times be incredibly brutal.
  • 00:43:33
    And God wants to walk with you through
  • 00:43:36
    each of those extremes and everything in between.
  • 00:43:39
    God wants to give you wisdom.
  • 00:43:40
    God wants to give you boldness.
  • 00:43:42
    God wants to give you confidence.
  • 00:43:43
    God wants to give you discernment
  • 00:43:45
    for anything that life throws your way.
  • 00:43:48
    And even in the midst of it, you can be real,
  • 00:43:52
    you can be transparent, you can be vulnerable.
  • 00:43:56
    You can live with the kind of wisdom that David had.
  • 00:44:01
    Now, the thing that got me thinking about this whole topic,
  • 00:44:06
    whole topic was actually a friend and a mentor
  • 00:44:09
    that I lost just a couple of weeks ago.
  • 00:44:12
    His name was David, ironically, his name was David.
  • 00:44:15
    David was a dear friend and a mentor,
  • 00:44:17
    a guy who started really investing in me
  • 00:44:20
    around what it looked like to do online ministry
  • 00:44:23
    a year or two before I even gotten this job.
  • 00:44:27
    Like, he was a guy who cared deeply about the tech world.
  • 00:44:31
    He was an entrepreneur.
  • 00:44:32
    He was a big business guy who --
  • 00:44:34
    big tech startup guy did stuff with,
  • 00:44:37
    even with the Pentagon and security applications.
  • 00:44:40
    But he started meeting with me and he was, like,
  • 00:44:43
    "Hey, there's an incredible opportunity here
  • 00:44:45
    to do ministry in the online space."
  • 00:44:47
    And he started just investing in me about that.
  • 00:44:50
    Now, he was doing some work over in London
  • 00:44:53
    this past November and was just in an accident,
  • 00:44:57
    just a freak bicycle accident.
  • 00:45:00
    Ended up fracturing multiple vertebrae in his neck,
  • 00:45:02
    effectively paralyzing him.
  • 00:45:03
    He was in a coma for two and a half months
  • 00:45:06
    and couldn't get him back to the US
  • 00:45:08
    because he wasn't stable enough to be transported.
  • 00:45:10
    So he was alone and in an induced coma
  • 00:45:13
    for a long, long, long time.
  • 00:45:15
    So fast forward about six months to when I finally --
  • 00:45:18
    he's back in the US.
  • 00:45:20
    I was finally able to drive out to where he was
  • 00:45:23
    and visit him.
  • 00:45:24
    I just had no idea what to expect.
  • 00:45:26
    I had no idea what he was going to say.
  • 00:45:27
    I didn't know what kind of shape he was in.
  • 00:45:29
    And so I was shocked, you know, seeing a friend
  • 00:45:32
    sort of in a very different stage, totally paralyzed.
  • 00:45:38
    We were at the rehab center and we're talking
  • 00:45:41
    and I said something dumb.
  • 00:45:43
    I was like, "How are you doing?"
  • 00:45:45
    I honestly don't even remember what I said,
  • 00:45:46
    but it was something dumb.
  • 00:45:48
    And he just said -- he just, like, looked at me
  • 00:45:50
    with just these eyes that just communicated
  • 00:45:53
    he had seen and experienced things over the last six months
  • 00:45:57
    that I could not have imagined.
  • 00:45:59
    He said -- He just looked at me and said,
  • 00:46:03
    "You know, Andy, you can lose everything,
  • 00:46:09
    except God will never leave you."
  • 00:46:13
    And that's a thing somebody could have said to me
  • 00:46:15
    in any other context, and it would have meant this much.
  • 00:46:17
    But in the context of his experience, it meant so much.
  • 00:46:21
    A guy who'd lost everything,
  • 00:46:22
    his ability to care for himself in every way.
  • 00:46:25
    He was literally left with only his own thoughts and Jesus.
  • 00:46:30
    Proverbs actually says this same exact thing.
  • 00:46:33
    Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.
  • 00:46:37
    You guide me with your counsel,
  • 00:46:38
    and afterward you take me into glory.
  • 00:46:41
    Whom have I in heaven but you?
  • 00:46:43
    And Earth has nothing I desire besides you.
  • 00:46:46
    My flesh and my heart may fail,
  • 00:46:49
    but God is the strength of my heart and portion forever.
  • 00:46:55
    David unfortunately passed away two weeks ago
  • 00:46:58
    due to some complications, but I wanted to take this moment
  • 00:47:01
    to share with you the wisdom that he shared with me
  • 00:47:04
    and a bit of his legacy and a bit of just the wisdom
  • 00:47:08
    for understanding that no matter what you might be feeling
  • 00:47:11
    right now, no matter what you might be experiencing right now,
  • 00:47:16
    God's not done with you.
  • 00:47:18
    You might resonate with a bit of what David said
  • 00:47:22
    and what David experienced of,
  • 00:47:24
    man, I feel like I've lost everything.
  • 00:47:26
    Because that relationship ended
  • 00:47:28
    or that career went away
  • 00:47:29
    or that addiction is taking hold in my life
  • 00:47:33
    where I'm just lonely or whatever.
  • 00:47:35
    It could be a million things where you just feel alone,
  • 00:47:38
    where you just feel stuck,
  • 00:47:40
    where you might even feel paralyzed by fear
  • 00:47:43
    about what the future might hold.
  • 00:47:45
    And you need to know God is with you.
  • 00:47:49
    You are not alone.
  • 00:47:53
    Scripture is really, really clear that God's love for you
  • 00:47:56
    will pursue you to any depth, to any length,
  • 00:47:59
    that there's nothing that we can do to outrun God's love for us.
  • 00:48:05
    That however alone you feel, you don't have to stay that way.
  • 00:48:08
    However stuck you feel, you don't have to stay that way.
  • 00:48:12
    However ashamed you feel about parts of your past,
  • 00:48:16
    you don't have to stay that way.
  • 00:48:18
    God wants to offer you a new day.
  • 00:48:21
    God wants to offer you wisdom to move forward,
  • 00:48:24
    to experience more of the life that he intends for you.
  • 00:48:28
    This is not in the Psalms or the Proverbs,
  • 00:48:32
    but it's a poem that I just love.
  • 00:48:35
    It's a poem that I actually have
  • 00:48:36
    right next to where I make my coffee every morning.
  • 00:48:40
    And says this: This is the beginning of a new day.
  • 00:48:47
    I can waste it or I can use it for good.
  • 00:48:51
    What I do today is important because
  • 00:48:53
    I'm exchanging a day of my life for it.
  • 00:48:57
    When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever,
  • 00:49:01
    leaving in its place something that I've traded for it.
  • 00:49:05
    I want it to be a gain, and not a loss;
  • 00:49:08
    I want it to be good, and not evil;
  • 00:49:11
    I want it to be success, and not failure
  • 00:49:14
    in order that I shall not regret the price that I paid today.
  • 00:49:20
    Now I think Kathy would resonate with those words.
  • 00:49:25
    Kathy's wisdom would resonate
  • 00:49:26
    with wanting to live intentionally, to experience,
  • 00:49:30
    man, what can happen when we live our days,
  • 00:49:32
    when we appoint our days intentionally
  • 00:49:35
    the way that God would have us.
  • 00:49:36
    I think that's in this little poem that I shared with you.
  • 00:49:39
    I think my sister Katie would love these words
  • 00:49:42
    about living each day intentionally
  • 00:49:45
    and not living with pretense, or pretending
  • 00:49:47
    like we have everything together when we don't,
  • 00:49:49
    but living authentically.
  • 00:49:51
    I think that's in this poem
  • 00:49:53
    and I think it's in the Proverbs and the Psalms.
  • 00:49:55
    I think it's living wisely.
  • 00:49:58
    But I think there's something here that's even deeper
  • 00:50:00
    and even more core and more important than that.
  • 00:50:04
    And it's this idea that I take from David's life
  • 00:50:07
    and honestly, I take from my friend David's death as well,
  • 00:50:10
    that no matter what happens, God will never leave you.
  • 00:50:15
    You can lose everything, but you cannot lose Jesus.
  • 00:50:19
    There's nothing you have done or nothing you will do
  • 00:50:22
    that can cut you off from his love for you.
  • 00:50:26
    There's always, always, always chance for redemption,
  • 00:50:30
    for restoration, for renewal,
  • 00:50:32
    for fresh hope, and for fresh life.
  • 00:50:37
    God's not done with you.
  • 00:50:40
    You need to hear that and you need to believe it.
  • 00:50:44
    And some of you might be hearing this for the first time
  • 00:50:47
    and it might be new to you
  • 00:50:48
    or it might be resonating with you in a fresh way
  • 00:50:51
    where like, "I want, like, I want to believe that
  • 00:50:54
    and I want that for myself."
  • 00:50:57
    If that's you and you want to acknowledge
  • 00:51:00
    your inability to fix yourself,
  • 00:51:04
    but your ultimate trust and faith in a God
  • 00:51:07
    who loves you and cares for you and who can redeem you
  • 00:51:11
    and who has paid the price for you,
  • 00:51:14
    then I'd love for you to pray this prayer with me.
  • 00:51:17
    As a reflection that, as this poem says,
  • 00:51:21
    that we're exchanging a day of our life,
  • 00:51:22
    there's a price that has been paid for today and for tomorrow,
  • 00:51:27
    that that's not a price that you and I have to pay.
  • 00:51:32
    That that's a price that Jesus has paid for you and for me,
  • 00:51:36
    so that we can approach tomorrow with confidence,
  • 00:51:39
    with boldness, with wisdom, and with new life.
  • 00:51:44
    If that resonates with you, I want you to just join me
  • 00:51:47
    in saying a simple prayer.
  • 00:51:51
    Father, we just acknowledge, I acknowledge
  • 00:51:56
    that I can't fix things on my own,
  • 00:52:01
    that I don't have the wisdom to go through life on my own.
  • 00:52:06
    God, that I am broken and am in need of a savior.
  • 00:52:12
    And the only person who can save me,
  • 00:52:14
    the only person who can put me back together is you, Jesus.
  • 00:52:19
    And I promise to spend every day I'm given
  • 00:52:23
    this day and every one I'm given into the future
  • 00:52:27
    to do my best to live wisely after your example
  • 00:52:32
    and following your will for my life.
  • 00:52:37
    Guide me and help us to live wisely.
  • 00:52:44
    - Thank you so much for watching and joining us today.
  • 00:52:47
    Hey, if you stuck around this long,
  • 00:52:48
    you might be interested in some things
  • 00:52:50
    that are going on and happening around Crossroads
  • 00:52:53
    and maybe some things that are even happening
  • 00:52:55
    around you wherever you live.
  • 00:52:56
    To learn more and to get engaged,
  • 00:52:58
    you can download the Crossroads Anywhere App
  • 00:53:01
    wherever you get your apps, or you can go to
  • 00:53:02
  • 00:53:05
    We'll see you next time.

Process, journal or discuss the themes of this article - here's a few questions to get the ball rolling...

Welcome to the Weekend-Follow Up! This is the group part of the Bible Challenge, so your questions are based on specific Bible passages from the weekend message. Each week, your group will discover what God might be saying to you, and how you can respond through a group discussion.

  1. What stood out to you most from the message?

  2. Why do you think that stood out to you? What do you think God might be trying to say? (It’s ok if you’re just guessing. This will give you some space to process what it might be.)

  3. What did the message tell you about God?

  4. What did the message tell you about people?

  5. What is one way you can respond to what God might be saying to you this week?

  6. Now share a prayer request for the week. Whoever loves taking notes can jot them down (and maybe put them in a group chat, if you have one). Make sure to go around the circle and pray for each other at the end of your meeting, and throughout the week.

More from the Weekend

God wants something better for you. To continue your experience and explore what God has made you for—Get Started here.

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(This stuff helps us figure out how many fruitcakes to make come December)

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Got it! Enjoy your discussion.

Jul 16, 2023

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