If you’re a mom, you just know—there are certain things we wish we could say to the people we work with as the due date is approaching for our little one. Some things maybe we should say if appropriately phrased… but appropriately phrasing at the right time seems to be harder than expected. I’ve made an attempt at sharing some insider details to grow empathy for moms everywhere. To follow is what I wish I could have told my boss(es) before having my baby(ies). And as you read the final line, know that you at least have one mom who has prayed for you, a fellow mom, before you even read this article.
Dear Manager,
I’m going on maternity leave. There are a few things I’d love for you to know. I mean, really, read this letter even if it is the 12th time you’ve gotten it. You probably need to be reminded.
Thanks so much for the gift! Wait, you didn’t get me a gift? Oh, this is your reminder. Diapers, wipes, a cute baby outfit, or a bottle of wine will do.
I don’t need the “how are you?” texts. Honestly, I’ll just tell you now. I’m gonna be tired, emotional, thinking I might want to quit and then thinking I can’t wait to get back to work. Then I’ll think and feel something else tomorrow. But I’m good. Less “how are you?” texts and more “I’m thinking about you because…” or “When I was praying for you this morning…” A thoughtful text from another adult is nice when I’m spending eight hours a day feeding a tiny human.
I want to know I’m not forgotten, but I also want space to be a mom. In the span of 12 weeks, a few texts with updates from you or one of my teammates is perfectly OK. In reality, it will help me feel not so behind when I get back. Don’t assign me tasks while I’m out, please (unless you are planning travel for me or something outside my normal routine when I’m back because I’ll need time to plan for that with kids now!). Also, please give me some grace in my response time. I am figuring out how to take care of this new life, and I’ll probably read your text, then my baby will poop all up her back, or my toddler will try to step on her (or let’s be honest, I won’t remember to respond until 2 am then overanalyze that being too late, and then forget to respond all together…)
I might not want to say it, but I’m a little afraid that you will like how someone else does my job better than me while I’m out. There, I typed it. (Well, some other mom did for me, actually.) I did my best to pick someone, train someone, equip them, and document all that needs done while I’m out. If I did that well—you should love who I’ve replaced myself with. That’s probably a testament to the kind of leader I am (wink, wink, and it wouldn’t hurt for a little affirmation if that’s the case). Sure, some things will fall through the cracks because they don’t have all my background, and they aren’t me. I feel the double-edged sword is that if I did my job well, I may be out of a job when I get back.
Speaking of that, I fully intend to return to this role when I get back (unless we’ve had a conversation otherwise). It sucks to prepare (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially—because I am preparing in all of those ways the entire second half of my leave) to come back only to find out you had been thinking about changing my role all along. I’m probably open to change, but want to be brought into it early. And for the love, don’t assume I want less (or more!) coming back from leave. Let’s talk about it.
Expect that God will talk to me when I’m out. I’ll come back with clarity. And, you can absolutely be praying that I get intimate time with my kids, husband, and the Lord while on this leave. In fact, that might be the most important thing you do: pray for me.
Love, Expecting Mom