Four Realms of Relationships

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- Whether you just went to Lollapalooza

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or maybe you're planning on going

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to Target for Black Friday,

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the fact of the matter is we're all surrounded by crowds

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and navigating those crowds can be difficult.

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Hey, I'm Kyle. This is Crossroads Church.

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We believe that you were born for adventure

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and we exist to guide and equip you

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on the adventurous life that God made you for.

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Over the last 18 months,

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some of us have been terrified of crowds.

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Others of us have been so excited

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to finally be around a crowd again.

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And regardless of where you fall on that spectrum,

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my friend Alli has a word today

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about how to navigate the crowd.

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- If you're anything like me, then you probably

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always have some relationships in your life

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that are going great

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and maybe others that aren't so great.

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Today I want to help you love every single person

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that you know in your life right now

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and do it better.

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Maybe if we do a really good job together today,

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then we'll both be a little bit closer

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to loving people like Ted Lasso does.

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Am I the only one that's watching that show?

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It is so good.

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The guy loves people really well.

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We're going to try to love

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a little bit more like him today.

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My name is Alli and I am

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one of the teaching pastors here at Crossroads.

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And my job is to help you by taking the truths

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that we find in the Bible and helping you

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put those to work in your life every single day.

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Last week Brian talked about kind of

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the baseline call on all of our lives to love others.

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And he kind of talked about what love actually is.

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But the reality that we're going to confront

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together today is that we don't have

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the capacity in ourselves to love everyone

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in our life in the same exact way.

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I'm going to give you a framework today, a

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framework of four realms of relationship

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that I see in the life of Jesus

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when I read through the Bible.

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Those four realms are: His core, His circle,

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His community, and His crowd.

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And as you're listening,

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I actually want you to get out a notebook.

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I actually brought mine.

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A good old fashioned piece of paper and a pen.

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I want you to get out a notebook

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and I want you to take notes

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on the names of people in your very own life

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as we go through all of these realms

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together today, because I bet that

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you will have an insight that brings you

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great freedom in some of your relationships today.

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So draw four circles.

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You're going to label them:

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core, circle, community, and crowd.

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And I want you to write people's names down as we go.

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Because problems in our life

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and in our relationships,

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they happen when we treat people in our life

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like they're in one realm

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and they're actually in another.

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So we're going to think about

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every single person that's in our life

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and put them somewhere on that piece of paper today.

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Everyone around Jesus thrived.

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Everyone around Jesus got loved,

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but everyone did not get the same things from Him.

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A few years back, I felt overwhelmed

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with the number of relationships in my life.

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I always felt this sense like

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I didn't quite have enough to go around,

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like there wasn't enough of me to love

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my spouse and my four kids

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and all the wonderful friends that I have

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and all the coworkers I really like

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and all the parents I know from my kids' schools

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and other groups that I touched

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through my everyday life.

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And I literally started writing

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names on a piece of paper and talking to God

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about who was in my life

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and how I figure out who should be close,

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who can be further away?

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How do I do this?

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God, how do I love all of these people that I know.

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And this little exercise actually brought me

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into the gospels,

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which are the accounts of Jesus's life.

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And I didn't just read His words,

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I wanted to watch how He organized His relationships.

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And that's when I saw the four realms

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that we are going to talk about today.

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But it's kind of crazy, right?

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Like if Jesus was God,

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why couldn't He just treat everybody

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like His best friend?

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Why couldn't He just have all the besties?

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But He didn't.

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He actually had smaller realms of relationship.

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He gave some people more access, more time,

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and He had more impact on some of their lives.

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That because He was also fully human,

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not just God, also human, which means

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in His human body He kind of accepted limitations

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that you and I know instinctively are there.

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We have limits on our energy.

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We have limits on our time.

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We have limits on our capacity

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that is actually different by person

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for relationships in our life.

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So first, we're going to start with the core.

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And the reason I started here is because

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in my life these are the most obvious names.

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Maybe for you you're going to need

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to leave this blank and you're going

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to have to think about this as you go.

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And that's totally OK.

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But any name that you write in the core

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has got to be worthy of the core.

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This is your inner circle.

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These are your full access people, the very few,

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maybe one, maybe two.

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I'm going to say three at the most.

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We've got names for these folks.

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I love these names.

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Some people I know call them their ride or dies.

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My daughter calls them her BFF.

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And my friend says it's the

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"where the body is buried" kind of people in your life.

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This is like Meredith Gray and Cristina Yang,

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or Chandler and Joey,

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or Dwayne The Rock and Kevin Hart, whoever.

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You know what I mean.

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You love your core really well

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when you show them unconditional love,

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a special kind of godly love that is unconditional.

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And these people are the ones

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that you don't have to measure your words with.

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You don't tell the half truths.

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You don't leave out the bad parts of stories

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because, you know, when you come to the end

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and they know all the stuff,

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they're not going anywhere.

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They're going to keep on loving you no matter what.

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So for Jesus, these names were:

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Peter, James, and John.

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He had three.

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So if you're writing yours down,

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If I was Jesus,

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let's just pretend for a second,

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I would write Peter, James, and John

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right there in my core.

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If you know who yours are as we talk,

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I want you to write them in.

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Jesus knew these guys so well.

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He gave them extra time, extra power,

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extra resources that other people didn't get.

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And most importantly, He actually let them see

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a part of who He was that no one else got to see.

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We get this interaction in the book of Matthew 17,

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it says:

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He also took the same three guys,

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after He showed them these parts of Himself

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and His life that others didn't have access to,

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He actually took these guys on the night

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that He knew He was going to be arrested,

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that He was about to face His death.

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And He asked them to pray for Him

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as He stood in this garden.

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And guess what they did?

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They fell asleep.

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And one of them went on to actually

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deny he even knew Jesus three times that night.

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But Jesus kept loving them.

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He kept forgiving them.

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He kept treating them like His core.

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That's what we do for our core.

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We love them unconditionally.

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Because of the access that these people

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have to your life,

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and probably the dirt they have on you,

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you need to pick them very, very carefully.

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The people that you put in this place

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should be rock solid.

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You need to have observed them over

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and over and over again.

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Because only mutual, unconditional commitment

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is ever going to feel right in this space.

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And that brings me to you, married people,

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people like me who have a spouse.

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Your spouse should absolutely be in your core.

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Some people I know actually are amazing friends,

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but their spouse gets sort of

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the short end of the stick.

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If you have a spouse,

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you need to write their name down

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in your core right now

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And build into that relationship unconditionally.

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Now, in every one of these realms

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I've observed some things as I've thought

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about relationships this way for several years now.

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And I'm going to tell you a few things

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that I see that are common.

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And I hope you'll let me coach you a little bit,

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because there are some things that

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I want you to start or stop in some of these realms.

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And for your core, I want you to stop

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letting these close friendships go undefined.

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I don't want you to make the mistake

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of leaving everybody in this big kind of

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general friend category, because if you do that,

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you're going to miss out on the best stuff,

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on all the real good stuff of core friendship.

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And honestly, I think, men, you may need

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to hear this extra loud today, because

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in our culture, it tends to be harder

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for men to define their very closest friendships

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and to commit to them

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and to really love each other like that.

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I've tried to coach my teenage son

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on this a little bit.

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And like every 16 year old boy,

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he loves talking about relationships with his mom.

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So I kind of question him and I'll say, like,

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"Well, you know, on the team,

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who do you feel kind of extra connected to?"

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Trying to tease out this idea

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of like people that are extra close.

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And he's like, "Yeah, we're cool.

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I'm cool with all of them."

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Now, I know that he feels differently about some of them.

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We all tend to know that it can be

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scary and vulnerable to say it out loud,

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to kind of admit it and maybe even

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to tell that other person.

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But when you do, you can unlock serious power,

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serious love, serious commitment

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in these core relationships by just saying

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the simple words, "You know what?

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You're actually kind of one of my few."

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When we define, it often gives permission

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for that new level of commitment

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where we can love and be loved in a better way.

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These core relationships have the power

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to change how you feel about yourself

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and to actually set you up to love

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everybody in your life better.

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The next realm, one rung out from the core,

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this next one is our circle. Our circle.

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It's not our inner couple,

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but it's our good friends.

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These are your people.

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These are the friends that you kind

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of walk through day to day life with.

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And you can love your circle well

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when you treat them like family.

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I think family love is a love that sees you,

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that knows you, that really understands you

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in a way that other people might not.

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Your circle should be people that

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might just brag about you behind your back.

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Jesus had twelve total, His three plus nine more.

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So maybe for you, do you have four, six,

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maybe ten more?

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If you have a list of twenty,

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I'm telling you, that's too many.

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You're more limited than you think you are.

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And when you're thinking about these names,

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I want you to go beyond fondness.

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Like it's not enough just to like someone

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because your circle is not supposed to be

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the nicest people that you know.

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C.S. Lewis says this about friends.

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He kind of talks about,

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I read a book recently by him where he talks

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a lot about friendship kind of love.

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And he says that friends

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walk shoulder to shoulder through life.

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He says:

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Your circle should be orientated,

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focused, looking in the same direction

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somehow in your life.

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I have a friend that I like so much.

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I like her so much.

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I met her years ago.

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I'm telling you, she's just wonderful.

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And yet we have nothing

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that we can pursue shoulder to shoulder.

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We don't work together.

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We don't live near each other.

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We don't pursue common passions or interests.

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We don't mom together.

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We're not neighbors.

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And it kind of kills me because I really like her,

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but she's not in my 12.

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She can't be because

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we're not shoulder to shoulder on stuff.

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And when I write names on my piece of paper

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and I talk to God about who's in my life,

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I kind of realized that liking someone

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is not enough, not to make it into your circle

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because you can't help each other become more.

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Your circle is there to help you become

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all of who God made you to be,

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literally to round you out.

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It's like when you're with them

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there's this constant invitation to become

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more of who you actually are.

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And when they're gone, something's missing,

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like you're operating at a deficit of some sort.

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I have one friend who for twenty years

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has pushed me toward risk and adventure.

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I have another who is like the best wife I know.

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She's just amazing at knowing how to love

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and support her husband.

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And you all, I need these people in my life.

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I need them to help me be

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all of who God has called me to be.

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A good circle is committed

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to way more than what you want.

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A good circle is committed to what God wants for you.

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But this is, honestly, I just confess,

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this is the hardest realm for me to manage

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in my own life for several reasons.

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The first is I tend to build a fence way out here.

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I tend to push people away.

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Like I'm good up close

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and I'm good in community, you know, and beyond.

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But I tend to build a fence right around my circle.

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And if anybody starts to push toward it,

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I'm like, I don't like you that much, go away.

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I just kind of get a little prickly out there.

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And I assume you kind of won't stick around,

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so I make it a little bit hard.

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And my longest time friend,

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she and I laugh now because it's been,

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I don't know, more than twenty years now.

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And she still laughs at me because

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I tried to get rid of her.

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Like at least twice I tried to shake her off

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the first couple of years that we knew each other.

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But my circle stuck because guess who sent them?

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God sent them to me.

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And one way I recognize mine is that

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they bring with them the grace to jump over my fence.

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They just keep saying, "I'm not going anywhere, Alli."

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The second reason though, honestly,

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it's hard for me to manage this realm

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of relationship in my life is that I have kids.

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Parents, when you're thinking about

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your relational world

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and organizing your relationships,

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your kids need to be generally accounted for

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in your circle.

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No, it's not the same as a friend,

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but it is a similar kind of investment

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as your circle.

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And my greatest hope, honestly, as a mom

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is that all of my kids will end up

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as friends of mine.

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Like in our mature relationship

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we will actually be friends.

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But right now I have to account for loving them

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and loving them well with all the time

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and energy of a circle.

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And for me, in this season of my life,

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that means I carry fewer relationships

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in my circle outside of my kids.

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I have a handful, but only a few.

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This realm in Jesus's life is probably

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what He's best known for.

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He actually went and specifically chose

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some friends to be in His circle.

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And then He did what all good circles do,

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He gave of Himself to make sure

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that they became something greater.

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Jesus didn't just take whoever happened to be around,

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He went and got these guys.

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He saw who they were, He knew where they were now,

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and He called them to come

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and be something more with Him.

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Guys, I want you to stop letting untested people

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into this space in your life.

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I want -- it's way too important to just

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take whoever happens to be around.

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1 Corinthians 15 says:

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I think we can be misled sometimes about

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the impact that somebody will get this close

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is actually having on our ability

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to become more of who God made us to be.

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So I want you to put them to the test.

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I have five questions.

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If you've already got your pen out,

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you can write these down. Five questions.

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One, is this a person of character?

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Two, do we share a vision for something in life?

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Three, do they show up for me?

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Four, have they loved me when I'm unlovable?

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And five, will they tell me the truth?

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The people in your circle, you need

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to have yeses to these questions

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or you will never become all

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of who God has made you to be.

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He has a circle for you.

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If you don't have one today, I want you

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to start asking God for it

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because He wants it for you.

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He wants to craft a circle in your life

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that can help you become all

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of who He already knows you will be.

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Well, the next realm can also help with that,

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it is community.

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The next realm of relationship is community.

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Community is your extended network of people,

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the fabric, I like to call it like a web,

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an intricately woven web that gives strength,

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kind of foundational strength underneath your life.

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When I think about loving people

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in this realm of community,

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I think about one simple thing.

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We can love people in community

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by showing God's favor.

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To love people in this realm of relationship

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is actually a choice.

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You don't have to do it.

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This realm of relationship you can

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either develop and have

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or you can leave completely out

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because you have to receive yourself

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and come into a community

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as responsible to a larger group of people.

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And even doing that is an act of love

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because you don't have to, you have to choose it.

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But I want you to choose it, because

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I know, I've actually tried this myself.

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I know that loners rarely feel

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the kind of support in their life

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that comes from this realm of relationship.

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And the one simple way that

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we can love each other well as a community

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is to favor each other.

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I know this sounds crazy.

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I was writing this down

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and it even sounded a little wrong to me.

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But just go with me here.

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We should be wildly favoring each other.

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Like when we're in a room,

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we should prefer each other over other people

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that are not part of our community.

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And I know that sounds wacky,

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but it's absolutely true.

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John 13:35 says:

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Guys, we are supposed to be as a community

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known for the strong preference of goodness

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and love and favor that we show to each other

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only and simply because

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we are connected in this community.

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If you are watching this right now,

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Then you can be part of this community

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and we can show each other the kind of

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favor and preference that only people

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in the same community get.

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And I'm not kidding.

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I actually had someone show up to my house

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one time to measure my windows for some new blinds.

00:20:11

We had moved into the house that we're living in now.

00:20:13

This was years ago, actually,

00:20:15

before my face was as recognizable as it is now.

00:20:18

And I let him in and we're chatting

00:20:22

and we discovered we both go to Crossroads.

00:20:24

And he goes, "Oh, well, you get

00:20:27

the friends and family discount then."

00:20:29

And I was like, "Wait, what?

00:20:31

You're going to give me a discount on my blinds?"

00:20:33

He was like, "Absolutely."

00:20:35

He goes, "We're family," and he meant it.

00:20:38

We're family.

00:20:40

I also have recently encountered

00:20:43

kind of the power of this community connection

00:20:45

in an unexpected place.

00:20:47

My oldest son plays basketball a lot.

00:20:50

He has a new AU team that he was

00:20:52

just a part of this last year.

00:20:54

And they travel around and do

00:20:55

all kinds of stuff together.

00:20:57

But we didn't know anyone on the teams.

00:20:58

So, we're at the first game

00:21:00

and a set of the parents came up

00:21:02

and introduced themselves to me because

00:21:04

they recognized me from

00:21:06

our community here at Crossroads.

00:21:08

And one quick conversation told me

00:21:10

immediately that we had kind of,

00:21:13

I don't know, like a kinship,

00:21:15

like a connection that was uncommon

00:21:17

only because we're both a part of this community.

00:21:22

So another game or two down the line

00:21:24

and I realized not just that,

00:21:26

we actually share some other things as well.

00:21:28

We share similar values on parenting,

00:21:31

on money, on character development,

00:21:33

on how we deal with God in our home and our family.

00:21:36

And just from sitting on the bench

00:21:38

at a basketball game,

00:21:39

we're uncovering these connections

00:21:42

In another month we're driving our kids

00:21:45

back and forth to out of town tournaments

00:21:47

and actually staying at the houses

00:21:49

of my in-laws, our extended family,

00:21:52

for no other reason than just to favor each other.

00:21:56

Just because we wanted to be good to each other,

00:21:59

just because we wanted to help

00:22:00

each other's family to live better.

00:22:03

Friends, this is God at work.

00:22:05

This is God weaving community into my life.

00:22:08

And I want that for you.

00:22:11

This realm of community was very obvious

00:22:13

in the life of Jesus.

00:22:15

There was a larger group of disciples,

00:22:18

actually, that He lived around.

00:22:20

Sometimes, as you read about His life,

00:22:21

they're referred to as the seventy two.

00:22:24

There was clearly a larger group of some sort

00:22:26

that traveled occasionally or was coached

00:22:30

and instructed and loved occasionally by Jesus.

00:22:32

And we find Him with them a lot.

00:22:35

And He showed some of them a very special preference.

00:22:40

There were three that were siblings:

00:22:41

Mary, Martha, and Lazarus.

00:22:43

We don't find their names in His twelve,

00:22:46

but in John 11, it says this:

00:23:06

Well, Lazarus actually died before Jesus arrived,

00:23:10

but He showed up and He gave them great favor.

00:23:14

He actually raised Lazarus from the dead.

00:23:17

He loved these guys.

00:23:19

They weren't in His 12, but He had connection.

00:23:22

Maybe they were part of the 72.

00:23:24

Maybe they were part of His larger community,

00:23:26

but He loved them and He showed them favor.

00:23:29

And it was because they were both

00:23:31

following the same God.

00:23:33

They were both focused on the Kingdom.

00:23:37

Now, the line that you draw between your 12

00:23:40

and your community can be a little bit painful, I think.

00:23:45

But you have to draw it, because remember,

00:23:47

we're limited.

00:23:49

And we do relate to community

00:23:51

a little bit differently than our 12,

00:23:52

but we can still prefer each other.

00:23:55

We can still favor each other.

00:23:57

We can still be good to each other any time

00:24:00

and every time that we find ourselves together.

00:24:04

I think one of the -- most of the time

00:24:06

we overlook the power in this realm altogether

00:24:09

until something goes wrong. Right?

00:24:11

I think a lot of us have discovered

00:24:13

the power of relationship in this realm

00:24:15

through a move, a divorce, an illness or whatever.

00:24:19

I certainly did a couple of years back,

00:24:20

I actually fell down a huge wooden set of stairs

00:24:25

and broke my ribs.

00:24:27

And I couldn't drive.

00:24:28

I couldn't lift anything.

00:24:29

I couldn't bend over. I couldn't sleep flat.

00:24:33

I felt so loved, like overwhelmingly loved

00:24:38

through weird support pillows.

00:24:39

A friend left my favorite Blow Pop flavor

00:24:43

on my front porch.

00:24:44

We got food. We had prayers.

00:24:46

I had people driving my kids around

00:24:47

for like two and a half months.

00:24:49

I was totally overwhelmed

00:24:52

and it made me want to be that

00:24:54

for other people in my community.

00:24:57

And my friends, my neighbors who saw this happening,

00:25:00

they actually found it super attractive.

00:25:03

And that's exactly what Jesus meant

00:25:05

when He said it's by our love for each other

00:25:09

that we'll be known as His disciples.

00:25:11

We've got to stop treating this realm

00:25:13

as nice to have, guys.

00:25:15

It is essential to your stability

00:25:17

mentally, emotionally, spiritually,

00:25:20

and you will be missing out on so much

00:25:24

if you never pursue this,

00:25:25

and probably some hugs and maybe

00:25:27

a couple of free drinks along the way as well.

00:25:29

But seriously, there's a major, major source

00:25:33

of love and power in here for you.

00:25:36

Now, remember, as you're writing in your notebook,

00:25:38

none of these are static.

00:25:40

Now, you can't get too close because

00:25:43

I wrote down a bunch of names here of my own.

00:25:45

And I drew, I actually drew some arrows

00:25:47

because some people are on the move.

00:25:49

They're either moving in or moving out.

00:25:51

Some people I have questions about,

00:25:52

they're sitting maybe right on the line between two

00:25:55

and others I can see movement over time

00:25:58

and they've landed in a different spot.

00:26:00

So these are by no means static.

00:26:02

And as a matter of fact, sometimes they're phases.

00:26:05

But the question for us today is

00:26:07

what is God doing right now?

00:26:09

What's the trajectory of your relationships

00:26:11

that you're thinking about?

00:26:12

What realm do you not have maybe

00:26:15

that you need to develop?

00:26:16

And who should be a little closer

00:26:18

or maybe a little further away?

00:26:22

- We're going to get back to Alli in just a minute.

00:26:25

But first, I want to talk about generosity.

00:26:27

It's one of the hallmarks

00:26:28

of this community called Crossroads.

00:26:30

Now, I know that a church talking about generosity

00:26:32

can feel self serving.

00:26:33

So we've actually designed a way

00:26:34

for you to try giving risk free.

00:26:37

It's called the 90 day tithe test.

00:26:38

It works like this.

00:26:39

You try giving for 90 days.

00:26:41

And if you don't feel and sense God more in your life,

00:26:43

we'll give all of your money back.

00:26:45

If you want to do that,

00:26:47

go to Crossroads.net/tithetest.

00:26:49

Now, let's get back to Alli.

00:26:53

- So let's go right back into

00:26:55

the very last realm of relationship.

00:26:57

This one is the furthest out.

00:26:59

It's called the crowd.

00:27:01

And I'm not talking about like

00:27:02

Disney on spring break kind of crowds.

00:27:04

I'm talking about the others,

00:27:06

the people that don't fit the definitions

00:27:09

of any of the three that we have already explored.

00:27:13

But they're in your life, right?

00:27:14

There's a lot more people in your life

00:27:16

than are in your core, your circle,

00:27:18

or even your community.

00:27:20

Maybe they're kind of permanently the guy

00:27:21

that sits down the cubicle from you or, you know,

00:27:24

they kind of come in and out of your life in a season

00:27:26

and you can sort of take them or leave them.

00:27:28

Right?

00:27:29

The impact on our hearts here is usually pretty small.

00:27:32

And it almost goes without saying,

00:27:34

but I'll say it anyway.

00:27:35

We don't entrust our hearts to people in our crowd.

00:27:39

We don't treat the crowd as though they're our core.

00:27:43

We don't give them our well-being.

00:27:47

I like to say that we're authentic,

00:27:50

but we're not transparent.

00:27:52

The crowd doesn't deserve all of you,

00:27:55

and you certainly don't need to be

00:27:57

unendingly available to the crowds.

00:28:00

I always talk about this realm

00:28:01

with my teenagers a lot because

00:28:02

it's a very hard concept

00:28:04

in middle school and high school

00:28:06

to convince your teenagers that

00:28:08

you don't have to be wrapped up emotionally

00:28:10

with all the people, you really don't,

00:28:13

It's so helpful to have the language of crowd

00:28:16

to give my kids the freedom to decide that

00:28:20

some people can just be left in our friendly crowd.

00:28:23

Friendly. It's not bad. The crowds are not bad.

00:28:26

We can just interact with grace.

00:28:29

We can not give big emotional attachments

00:28:32

and we can move on with our day.

00:28:35

The defining feature of your crowd

00:28:37

is that you make no like proactive investments.

00:28:42

Now, when I say proactive, I don't mean

00:28:45

that we don't make investments.

00:28:48

And I don't mean that crowds are meaningless.

00:28:50

They are certainly not in our life.

00:28:53

But in our crowd, we wait, we watch,

00:28:58

and we follow God's lead.

00:29:00

What we want is to see what God is up to

00:29:03

with all these other people in our life.

00:29:06

And when we see it, then we invest.

00:29:09

We love people in our crowd well

00:29:11

when we invite, when we stay invitational,

00:29:15

when we are open,

00:29:16

because God is invitational and open,

00:29:19

that's how He loves all people.

00:29:22

And God wants to invite all people closer to Him.

00:29:26

And many times He's going to do that

00:29:27

through a timely interaction in the crowd.

00:29:31

Maybe you're in someone's crowd

00:29:33

and that's how God's going to bring you closer.

00:29:35

Or maybe someone

00:29:36

comes into your crowd and something happens.

00:29:39

How do we see that in the life of Jesus?

00:29:43

Well, I see that Jesus was

00:29:47

in and out of crowds all the time,

00:29:49

but He never chased one. Never.

00:29:52

He stayed completely authentic to the message

00:29:55

and the mission that His Father sent Him on.

00:29:58

He stayed totally connected and committed

00:30:00

to His disciples and His community,

00:30:02

but He was always watching.

00:30:04

Jesus went through crowds all the time

00:30:07

watching, waiting to see who was ready

00:30:10

to step out of the crowd for something more.

00:30:13

We see this in Matthew 20 when it says:

00:30:50

These guys were part of the crowd

00:30:53

and they stepped out of the crowd

00:30:54

and Jesus stopped and noticed.

00:30:57

It says He had compassion on them.

00:30:59

And did you notice how it ended,

00:31:00

that they actually followed Him?

00:31:02

Maybe they became part of His community.

00:31:04

Maybe they were coming a step closer

00:31:06

from that point on.

00:31:08

When we're open and watching,

00:31:11

then God can direct anything to happen.

00:31:14

He can originate some of

00:31:15

the coolest new opportunities you might ever have

00:31:18

to either give or receive some of His love,

00:31:21

some of His truth, some of His grace.

00:31:23

Crowds can be amazing.

00:31:25

But Jesus also knew when it was time to walk away.

00:31:30

He knew that crowds would take as much as He gave.

00:31:33

And He also knew that crowds

00:31:34

would never fill Him back up.

00:31:36

So you find often through the Gospels

00:31:39

that He would withdraw from them to be alone

00:31:41

with His Father or maybe even with just His core.

00:31:44

And the crowds for many of us that I think

00:31:46

need to kind of be put back in their place

00:31:48

in our life is the ones that we find online,

00:31:51

specifically in our social media worlds.

00:31:54

Your social media platforms are crowds,

00:31:57

you all, they are crowds.

00:31:58

I want you to stop treating social media followers

00:32:01

like they're all your actual friends.

00:32:04

I think sometimes we tend to give them

00:32:07

the emotion and the transparency that frankly

00:32:09

should be reserved for our core.

00:32:11

And the expectation of support we have online

00:32:17

is maybe that that we need to have

00:32:19

that expectation of our circle.

00:32:22

And sometimes the pain of treating

00:32:25

all of our followers on social media

00:32:27

as though they're real community,

00:32:29

boy, it is painful.

00:32:32

We have to stop expecting that kind of stuff

00:32:35

from a crowd and start instead

00:32:38

putting some limits on your time there.

00:32:40

Jesus always engaged the crowds.

00:32:44

He delivered the message that God gave Him.

00:32:46

So go, be yourself, speak the truth,

00:32:49

be grace, be light in the world,

00:32:51

and also keep your eyes open for interesting things

00:32:54

that God might do there.

00:32:55

But friends, you've got to walk away,

00:32:58

like on the regular.

00:33:00

I would recommend a limit per day

00:33:02

or a day off per week.

00:33:03

Just something where you are teaching yourself,

00:33:07

"I've got to walk away,"

00:33:08

because at the end of the day,

00:33:09

the crowds are just the crowds.

00:33:15

I'm willing to guess that a lot of the pain

00:33:18

that we all experience,

00:33:19

and that you're experiencing maybe

00:33:20

right now in your relational world,

00:33:22

is from one of a couple places.

00:33:24

Either you have people in the wrong realm of relationship,

00:33:27

like somebody who's out here

00:33:29

we're treating like somebody who's a lot closer

00:33:32

and we get burned a little bit.

00:33:35

Or maybe we just haven't realized

00:33:36

there's any lines at all,

00:33:38

just been unwilling to define

00:33:39

who's in and who's out of any realm.

00:33:42

Or maybe you have a blank circle.

00:33:49

If you have a blank circle,

00:33:51

I would encourage you to start praying,

00:33:53

start asking God to develop that realm in your life.

00:33:58

If you think that your circle is 25 people right now,

00:34:05

then you should ask God

00:34:06

which handful are really your circle.

00:34:10

If you have a blank place in community,

00:34:12

I want you to invest yourself in this community.

00:34:17

You're going to find so much here for you.

00:34:21

When you get clear about who fits where in your life,

00:34:25

then you can actually start to love everybody better.

00:34:28

Nobody is in your life by accident. Nobody.

00:34:32

And every single person you know

00:34:34

actually deserves your love,

00:34:36

but they don't all need it the same way.

00:34:39

Every single person you know

00:34:41

is someone that Jesus came to die for,

00:34:44

who He loves an incredible amount.

00:34:46

And you are invited in all the unique ways

00:34:48

in every realm of relationship to help Him love them.

00:34:53

So when you know who's in your core,

00:34:55

your circle, your community, and your crowd,

00:34:57

then you know exactly what that looks like.

00:35:01

I'm going to pray for us, for you and for me,

00:35:04

to have the wisdom that Jesus had

00:35:06

to build your relational world like His

00:35:09

so that all your relationships can thrive.

00:35:13

Father, I thank you for all the people in my life.

00:35:16

I pray that you will continue to refine

00:35:20

and define who's in and who's out

00:35:24

of my relational life.

00:35:26

I want to love people like you did, Lord,

00:35:29

and I just pray for the wisdom for me

00:35:31

and for others to do that really, really well.

00:35:37

I pray that You would give every person listening

00:35:40

the courage to make any change

00:35:43

that You are pushing them to make.

00:35:45

In Jesus's name, Amen.

00:35:50

Well, hey, sometimes relationships

00:35:51

can be overwhelming in our life,

00:35:54

but I'm telling you anything is possible.

00:35:57

And I want you to tell God with me that right now.

00:36:04

- Hi, my name's Robbie

00:36:05

and I'm one of the folks that gets

00:36:06

to do music here at Crossroads.

00:36:08

I don't know about you, but I find

00:36:09

in any given day there are so many voices

00:36:13

vying for my attention.

00:36:15

I mean, social media alone,

00:36:18

there's Instagram,

00:36:20

there's conversations on Facebook.

00:36:23

There's the news that I listen to

00:36:24

NPR on the way into work

00:36:26

and I get calls from people

00:36:29

who are concerned about different things.

00:36:30

And I get mail coming in

00:36:32

and I've got my kids and my kids' teachers

00:36:34

and what's going on with work and all the things.

00:36:37

And in the day, it just gets so loud.

00:36:41

To think that God could break through

00:36:42

the noise is just nearly impossible,

00:36:45

unless we take time

00:36:47

to deliberately quiet the voices.

00:36:51

And that's just what we're going to do right now

00:36:53

so that we can hear what the Lord would speak.

00:36:57

We're going to just take a moment

00:36:58

to push down all the conversations

00:37:02

that are happening in social media.

00:37:04

Push down all the conversations

00:37:05

that are going on in our family

00:37:08

and in complicated relationships,

00:37:09

just to hear what would God say to us in this moment.

00:37:58

- Let's just quiet those voices now.

00:43:04

- Hey, if you resonated with the message today,

00:43:06

I encourage you to check out camps.

00:43:08

We have many camps.

00:43:09

One of them coming up is Woman Camp

00:43:11

where Alli Patterson herself will be speaking.

00:43:14

Check this out.

00:43:15

- Hey, I'm Alli Patterson.

00:43:17

I'm one of the pastors here at Crossroads Church.

00:43:19

And I want to invite you to join me

00:43:21

at Woman Camp this fall.

00:43:23

I've seen firsthand how it can be life changing.

00:43:27

How important it is to just take

00:43:28

a little moment out of your life to connect

00:43:31

in a deeper relationship with other women and with God.

00:43:34

- Coming here and spending time with God

00:43:37

has allowed me to understand that

00:43:39

I am worthy of everything that God

00:43:41

has planned out for me in my life.

00:43:43

- It is just sitting there waiting

00:43:45

for you to say yes, if you are willing

00:43:47

to take the risk and commit,

00:43:49

I believe that God is going to do

00:43:50

something amazing and meet you there.

00:43:52

Woman Camp is an opportunity for fun.

00:43:54

It's an opportunity for friendship.

00:43:56

It is an opportunity to see

00:43:57

what God would unleash in your life

00:44:00

if you take some time to come

00:44:03

and connect with Him there.

00:44:04

- I feel set free, it's like I can breathe again.

00:44:07

I feel like those chains have been just like ripped away.

00:44:09

- And I'm going to meet you at Woman Camp.

00:44:11

Can't wait to see you there.

	It All Starts At The Core	4:40
	Who's In Your Circle?	10:33
	Know Your Community	17:51
	Seeing The Crowd	26:51
	Clear Out The Noise	36:00

Recent Series