No one, and I mean no one, prepared me for perimenopause.
We hear plenty about puberty, childbirth, and menopause—but no one warns you about the hormonal roller coaster that hits in between. Enter perimenopause, or as my friends and I like to call her, ‘Perry’: the wildly unpredictable, slightly unhinged phase that sneaks up on you in your 40s and turns your body, mind, and emotions inside out.
I believe it’s time to pull back the curtain on what Perry is really like, why women don’t talk about it, and why it’s time we start—because if we don’t speak up, we’ll keep suffering in silence, thinking we’re the only ones losing our minds (spoiler: we’re not). Most importantly, we must know that God is with us in the midst of it, ready to comfort us and willing to make us into something new, even if everything is starting to feel old.
That said, I’ll start with saying what everyone who’s in it or has been through it is thinking: It. Freaking. Sucks.
Despite its terminology lacking in Scripture (though Genesis 18:11 is close), I’m beginning to believe perimenopause is the unwritten part of the curse from when Eve ate the fruit in the garden—that Moses just ran out of papyrus space when writing Genesis. Let me take a stab at what might’ve been left out:
“To the woman he said, I will make your childbearing very severe: with painful labor you will give birth to children … AND when you hit your mid-40s, buckle up for mood swings, hot flashes, exhaustion, soul-crushing periods, rogue chin hairs, a stomach that grows for no reason, zero sex drive, and—surprise!—this will last for years.” Genesis 3:16 (Kacie’s Extended Cut, Not Actual Scripture)
Childbirth was rough, but at least it had an end. Perry? She’s the guest who overstays her welcome, eats all your snacks, and clogs your…you get it. And here’s what I’ve realized: women don’t talk about Perry. Or if we do, it’s in hushed whispers like it’s some secret society—as if the first rule of Perry Club is don’t talk about Perry Club.
Why? Shame. Embarrassment. And honestly, for me? Fear—fear that if people know I’m in this stage, I’ll be seen as irrelevant. Old. Past my prime—like I’ve officially moved from “main character energy” to “supporting role with no backstory.” I won’t be the wunderkind anymore, but I also won’t be the super old, ultra-wise Yoda figure yet, just somewhere in between in the feeble position.
Want to know how I know this fear isn’t just in my head? Just turn on your television or, worse, open up social media. On TV or movies, women my age are no longer the romantic leads—we’re cast as the mom or the stylish-but-sadly-unavailable aunt. And the beauty industry or social media influencers? Oh, they’re not subtle. Every product marketed to me promises to make me look “younger” and “refreshed,” as if aging is something to fix, rather than a natural part of life to be honored.
What the world is saying, loud and clear, is: “We don’t want old women”. But the Bible speaks so differently. Thankfully, God doesn’t put an expiration date on our value.
Isaiah 46:4 says, “Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you.” Additionally, Proverbs 31:25 reminds us: “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” (Yes, even if she’s laughing through a hot flash in aisle seven of Target.)
Aging isn’t a curse. It’s a promise that God isn’t going anywhere—even if your waistline is. And here’s the truth that no one’s shouting loud enough:
We’re not old. We’re becoming.
We’re becoming women who no longer need to prove ourselves to be valuable; we just are. We’re becoming women who can hold strength and softness in the same breath. We’re becoming more honest about our limits, more rooted in our worth, and more aware of what actually matters. We’re shedding the expectations that once kept us quiet and small, and growing into voices that carry wisdom, grit, and grace.
Becoming doesn’t mean we have it all figured out—it means we’re finally permitting ourselves to grow without apology. This isn’t the beginning of the end. It’s the middle of becoming more fully ourselves than we’ve ever been.
One minute, I’m weeping over a cereal commercial, and the next, I’m plucking chin hairs in the car before a meeting. (It’s a vibe.) But I’m also learning to say “no” and keep boundaries. I’m rediscovering who I am apart from everyone else’s expectations. And I’m slowly starting to believe that maybe, just maybe, Perry is the beginning of something holy.
2 Corinthians 4:16 says, “Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” Not only are we becoming, we’re becoming new. Ladies—we need to talk about Perry. Loudly. Without shame. With humor and honesty, a bottle of wine, and a personal fan clipped to our yoga pants.
Because the more we talk, the more we take the power back. You are not alone. You are not crazy. You are not less-than. You’re just in Perry.
Though it might sometimes feel like a punishment from God, it really isn’t. It’s a new, bolder, wiser role God is having us step into. And you, my friend, are still wildly, beautifully, fully you. And I know that because His Word said so:
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that well.” (Psalm 139:14)
Disclaimer: This article is 100% human-generated.
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