God’s Purpose for Marriage

Marriage isn’t easy. There’s unbelievable highs, unbearable lows, and everything in between. But what does the bible say about marriage and divorce? In the Book of First John, we learn that while love is vital to living a Godly marriage, there’s actually a lot more to it than that. Tune in to discover what Lead Pastor Kyle Ranson has to share about the Bible and marriage – and how to keep your love burning bright.

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    - Hey, welcome to Crossroads.
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    I'm so glad that you joined us today.
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    My name is Andy, I'm the pastor of
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    a thing we call Crossroads Anywhere.
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    It's a community of people meeting all over the world
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    who don't just watch the same thing,
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    but are a part of something together.
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    - Yes, and I'm Rachel.
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    I am also on the Anywhere team.
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    And you know what I hate? - What do you hate?
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    - I hate when people don't get to step into
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    the fullness of everything God made them for.
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    So my job on the team is to experiment
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    with creating everything we possibly can
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    to help you grow and actually belong
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    and fully become who God made you to be,
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    no matter where you live.
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    - Yes, Rachel and I are married.
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    We get to work on this stuff together.
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    It's awesome.
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    And we're all about creating a community that
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    you can fully belong to no matter where you live.
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    Crossroads a church of people meeting
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    physically and digitally all across the globe.
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    And you're actually joining us for the kickoff
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    of our summer road trip.
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    We're going to be visiting some of
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    the different locations and expressions of our church.
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    - And one thing we want to start off celebrating
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    is City Serve Day.
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    Thousands of you from all over gathered
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    to make a difference in your local communities,
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    to actually love your neighbor tangibly.
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    And here's a glimpse into some of
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    the good stuff that happened.
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    - Last week we packed up, hit the road,
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    and got to work
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    to serve the people around us on City Serve Day.
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    From painting to building and planting to cleaning,
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    helping our partners and giving back
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    to our communities with over 1900 volunteers
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    and 49 projects.
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    The impact was huge and needed. Way to go.
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    God asks us to serve and love our neighbors,
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    and we're not stopping any time soon.
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    Learn why we serve and how to get involved
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    at Crossroads.net/Go.
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    - I love it, yeah, and whether or not
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    you were able to take part in City Serve Day,
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    remember that this is about more than
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    just one day of action.
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    This is something we can do
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    in our local communities all year long.
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    And if you need help with the how, man,
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    check out Crossroads.net/go
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    or just shoot us an email at
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    anywhere@crossroads.net.
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    - And we also want you to know that
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    days like City Serve Day are made possible
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    by the generosity of normal people like you.
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    We pool our resources at Crossroads
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    to aggressively pursue the mission God gives our team.
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    And I know giving talk makes you cringe, I get it.
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    We just moved. Finances are really tight.
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    But we also get a front row seat
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    to the amazing stuff that our giving goes to.
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    And when I look at that, I know that
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    it's the best place for us to put our money,
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    even when it's hard.
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    So if you'd like to be a part of that,
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    you can go to Crossroads.net/give.
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    Now we're gonna get ready to do something
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    that we call worship.
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    And worshiping isn't just singing songs,
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    but this is a big part of it, and it's a way
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    that we can just move powerfully
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    and align ourselves with the truths
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    of who God is and who He says that we are.
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    And when we do it, something actually shifts.
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    So join us in singing to a God who loves us
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    so much that it changes everything.
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    - That's it, ya'll!
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    We're gonna praise Him today.
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    Sometimes you gotta dance, you know?
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    So if you feel like dancing, you can dance right here.
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    Let's do it.
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    - How many know He's worthy?
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    - That's who he is because of what he laid down.
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    These next words are not a statement of perfection,
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    they're a statement of sincerity,
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    where I want to aim my heart and my life
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    because of what He's done.
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    - You may be new in this place.
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    I'm so glad you're here.
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    You may be new with us online or in the room,
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    I know it sounds crazy, but I find my life --
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    I found my life when I laid it down.
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    I found my true self at the end of myself
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    because of who Jesus is, because of Him being
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    the restorer, the repair, or the Redeemer,
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    the rebuilder, the one who lifts us up,
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    the one who created us.
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    If it sounds crazy to you, same to me.
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    And I keep reminding myself that it's true.
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    So, Jesus, I pray to You because You're worthy,
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    because through You all things were created,
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    because you are the very Word of God spoken
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    that showed us what God looks like
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    and came to be with us.
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    You are not distant.
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    You are holy. Set apart.
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    You are not like me.
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    You are holy and You are with me.
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    You are holy and You are with us.
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    I praise You and I bless You, Jesus. Amen. Amen.
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    So glad you showed up, so glad you're online
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    and brought your heart to the place.
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    You know, one of the places this sacrifice
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    shows up for me is in my talents and my skills
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    and my ideas and creativity, my relationships,
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    also my finances.
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    And so my family and I, we worship
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    at Crossroads.net/give.
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    And you can do that with us there too.
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    Before you grab a seat, why don't you turn to somebody,
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    just give me your name.
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    Say, "Hey, I'm glad you showed up."
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    If you're online, glad you're here with us.
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    So good to be with you.
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    - What's up, Crossroads? - What's up?
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    - My name is Joel. - And I'm Deebo.
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    Joel, what are we doing here?
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    - Brian did tell me to be here, but he's not here.
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    - Yeah. [phone dings] - Crap. Hold on.
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    Oh, I thought I was being rude, but it's Brian.
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    - Okay. What did he say?
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    - Tome. You've got a move if you want to grow
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    and that's true physically AND spiritually.
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    Okay. This is our series. - Cool. Okay.
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    - All right. Each week this summer
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    you will go "on the move"
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    on a summer road trip of sorts
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    to Crossroads locations and share something
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    that God is doing there. It could be fun.
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    You must return the camper in one piece.
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    - Camper? What?
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    - This man and his camps.
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    Oh gosh. - That camper.
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    - And he wants it back in one piece
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    to go to all the locations.
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    - I'm not driving. You're driving.
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    - It's like a 25 foot camper. - No one wants me driving that.
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    - All right. And the map -- Maybe he'll send a map.
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    - Oh. Oh. Here we go, a map.
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    - And card. - Okay. And card.
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    - Will help you get started.
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    I will be watching. In his grip, Brian.
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    All right, let's see what's happening here.
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    - Here's the map okay.
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    And there's these little icons next to each site.
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    - Donuts. And Lexington has a prayer hands,
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    because they're the holy site. All right.
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    - All right, let me open this. Let me open this.
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    - Yeah. I'm confused.
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    - All of these cards say something different.
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    - Okay. They've got different symbols. Okay.
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    - And corresponding to the map.
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    - So each week we will go on a road trip.
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    - To all of our sites. - With you driving.
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    - No. You're driving. - In this camper.
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    - Yeah. And I think we're going to talk about
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    all the amazing things God has done.
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    - Okay. - And all of our sites.
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    - All right. Does it say anything else?
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    - Yeah. Oh, it says collect all six
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    and win a free ice cream
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    at participating locations while supplies last.
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    - Yeah. Seems like a lot of work, I'm down though.
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    - Okay, let's do this.
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    All right. We have to figure out this.
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    - We got this. - Oh, wow.
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    - Oh my gosh. Okay, cool.
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    The different locations.
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    - Little tiles and patio furniture.
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    - We can do this. - Oh, we're doing it now.
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    Are we doing this now?
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    - Let's just see what we got.
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    - We have to go to the places first.
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    Is it hitched? - It looks good to me.
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    - All right, all right. Let's do this. Let's do this.
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    - Have you ever driven a camper before?
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    - No. I have a 2007 Toyota Rav4.
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    - Same thing. It's gotta be. - Same thing.
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    - How hard can it be? Let's do it.
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    - This summer we're hitting the road
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    and navigating a life of faith together.
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    Crossroads is one church with many locations,
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    and each week we'll use the map
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    to explore a different place and story
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    and hear the amazing things that God is doing.
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    - Where are we going today, Debo?
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    - Well, today we're going to Dayton and Columbus.
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    - All right. Those are some of
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    our furthest locations, I believe.
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    - Yep, farthest north and our two newest sites.
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    - What are the location icons
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    for Dayton and Columbus?
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    - Well, the icon is a rocket ship
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    and it says we're not done yet.
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    - Rocket ship? - Yeah.
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    - Dayton, the Wright brothers
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    and the Wright Patterson Air Force Base is there.
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    - Is that where they keep the aliens?
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    So we are here with Vicki,
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    the community pastor here at Crossroads Columbus.
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    Thank you so much for being here, Vicki.
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    - Yeah, welcome to Columbus.
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    - So where are we? What is this place?
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    - We are in Polaris.
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    We are nestled between Cheesecake Factory
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    and Dave and Buster's at a place called Cohatch Polaris.
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    And we're here because this is where
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    Crossroads Columbus temporarily rents space
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    for weekend services and for things
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    like groups throughout the week.
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    - Tell me how did this start?
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    How did Crossroads Columbus start?
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    - Yeah, Crossroads Columbus started
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    as an Anywhere community that was gathering
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    and building friendships
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    and watching service online together.
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    And it eventually grew to the point that
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    it was ready for next steps.
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    We've been here at Cohatch for almost 18 months.
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    - So, what is next?
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    - Right now we are praying for
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    and planning for our next steps.
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    We do need a larger facility to start to meet in,
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    and we are hopeful that that will happen
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    and we can continue to grow.
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    - I love that we're growing.
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    I love that there's more to come.
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    Why would we want to grow?
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    Why should we want to grow as a church?
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    - All through the Bible, we see places
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    where people who are growing the church
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    and growing the Kingdom went to
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    people where they were and they met them there.
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    And I also just think on a more personal level,
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    somebody invited me to Crossroads
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    many years ago and it changed my life.
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    - Well, thanks for chatting with me.
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    - I'm so glad you came to visit.
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    - Yeah, it's been so good to talk to you.
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    We actually have to hit the road.
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    We're in our summer series
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    and we're now heading to Dayton
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    to chat with Matt Castleman.
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    - I'm a little concerned about y'all getting there
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    with this huge Airstream.
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    - I would be too. I would be too.
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    It's going to be scary. - You can make it.
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    - We made it.
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    - We almost killed each other, but we made it.
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    - We made it, but there's no way
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    that Airstream has all its tires still.
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    But most of them. Yeah, most of them.
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    Well, we're here in Dayton, and this dude's here.
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    - Hey. - Oh, I saw the Airstream
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    and the housing market's crazy right now.
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    So I was hoping I could just camp out with you.
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    - Absolutely. Yes, absolutely.
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    We have it for the weekend. Well, in all seriousness,
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    we're here with Matt Castleman, the Dayton Community Pastor.
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    And Dayton is considered the South.
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    Did you know that? It's official.
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    - According to Antarcticans, yes, I think so.
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    - Correct. No, no, no, it's official
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    because a southern only gas station chain
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    is coming to Dayton.
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    - Really? This is honestly the first time
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    I'm hearing this news about a gas station
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    that everyone loves.
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    Oh my gosh, what was I sitting on?
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    These are for you, some Buc-ee's swimtrunks.
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    - Buc-ee's is coming to Dayton. - Now, you're official.
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    - You got my size exactly correct.
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    - I got a serious question. - Yeah.
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    - Are there aliens in Dayton?
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    - I can neither confirm nor deny.
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    But if you'll look at this light really quickly
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    and just -- There you go.
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    What was the next question?
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    - Let's talk Crossroads Dayton history.
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    How did this place even get started?
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    - Two friends in 2016 got it started,
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    have been setting up and tearing down service
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    ever since in a beautiful middle school auditorium.
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    - Man, that setup and teardown
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    just sounds so intense.
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    How many man hours does it take to do that?
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    - Oh gosh, it's in the millions. Honestly.
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    It's some weeks it feels like that.
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    I mean, it's not the most glamorous part,
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    but gosh, I mean, some people are there
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    seven, eight hours or spread out over two days.
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    So, yeah, on an average weekend,
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    hundreds of volunteers.
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    I mean, it's hundreds of man hours.
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    - Wow. - That's awesome.
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    - Our theme for today is that we're not done yet.
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    And so we've come here to collect our rocket ship,
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    or part of it, to prove that we're not done yet.
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    - Great.
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    - And so although the middle school
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    has been amazing or suitable in many senses,
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    I know it's not the end result. So what's next?
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    - The nice thing is, we're almost constantly
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    having to sit out more seats on the weekend
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    because more and more people are coming
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    and inviting their friends,
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    because their lives are being changed
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    and then their friends lives are being changed.
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    And so we're outgrowing the space.
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    Great problem to have.
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    And so we have a permanent building.
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    We bought a Sears building that's adjacent
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    to this Dayton mall and are renovating
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    100,000 square feet of that to have
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    an immersive auditorium environment for 1600 seats,
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    and a balcony and an atrium that has direct access
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    into the mall and outside for open hours
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    throughout the week.
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    Crossroads having a presence in Dayton
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    is just scratching the surface of what God wants
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    to do in transforming our community.
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    - Thanks for being here, Matt. It's been awesome.
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    We've loved getting to hear more about Dayton
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    and more about your story. So thank you so much.
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    - Swing by anytime. See you at Buc-ee's.
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    - You work there?
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    - Yeah, I'll be there the evening shifts.
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    - But these are mine. I am keeping these. Yeah.
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    - You gotta move if you want to grow.
  • 00:27:39
    That's true physically and spiritually.
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    This summer, we're looking at six important moves
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    you can make to experience God more fully.
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    And today, we're hearing from Kyle
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    about how love and marriage can either
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    propel us forward or burn us down
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    from the book of 1 John.
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    - Well, hey, how are you, everybody?
  • 00:28:01
    Good to be with you. We are in this new series.
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    Got this summer road trip theme. I love that.
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    By the way, special shout out to Dayton
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    and Columbus, thanks for even giving us
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    just a glimpse into what God's doing
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    in your communities.
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    It is awesome awesome, awesome to see.
  • 00:28:16
    I'm Kyle, lead pastor here at Crossroads,
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    if we haven't met.
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    My family actually just got back from a summer road trip.
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    We did our vacation early.
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    Very thankful to be able to do that
  • 00:28:25
    and get away for a little while.
  • 00:28:27
    We did a road trip out west. It was awesome.
  • 00:28:31
    It's something we've been planning for
  • 00:28:32
    and saving for for years, scraping together
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    every hotel point we could find
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    and, like, Kohl's Cash and cereal box tops and whatever.
  • 00:28:39
    You know, just trying to make the thing work.
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    It's awesome.
  • 00:28:42
    We went out to the the national parks out west
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    and we hiked. And when I say hiked, I mean hiked.
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    We did over 100 miles in the desert with all of our kids.
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    It was incredible. Absolutely incredible.
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    Now some of you hear that and you're like,
  • 00:28:58
    "What's wrong with your head?
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    Why in the world would you go to the desert
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    and hike with your kids?
  • 00:29:04
    Why not be like a normal American
  • 00:29:05
    and take them to the beach and relax?"
  • 00:29:08
    If you have that thought in your head,
  • 00:29:10
    I know something about you.
  • 00:29:11
    You've never taken a kid to the beach, have you?
  • 00:29:14
    Because it's not relaxing.
  • 00:29:16
    It's terrible. It's absolutely awful.
  • 00:29:20
    Personal opinion, you don't have to agree with me.
  • 00:29:22
    Personal opinion: I think we should ban kids from beaches.
  • 00:29:25
    I do, I'm not anti kid, I'm just pro beach.
  • 00:29:29
    I want to preserve the experience, that's all.
  • 00:29:33
    Before we had kids, Sarah and I would go to the beach.
  • 00:29:35
    It was awesome. We'd get like pack a cooler for the day.
  • 00:29:38
    We bring our Kindles.
  • 00:29:39
    We'd take a nap on the beach,
  • 00:29:40
    go for a nice relaxing walk just the two of us,
  • 00:29:43
    float in the waves. It was spectacular.
  • 00:29:46
    And then we had kids and it was ruined.
  • 00:29:49
    It was awful.
  • 00:29:50
    When you add kids to the beach,
  • 00:29:52
    it's like adding Mentos to Coke.
  • 00:29:54
    It's just [explosion FX], just awful.
  • 00:29:56
    Two main problems that I see.
  • 00:29:58
    One is the sunscreen problem.
  • 00:30:00
    Now, I don't know who changed this.
  • 00:30:03
    I don't know what gave them the right to change it.
  • 00:30:05
    I don't know how they decided for all of us,
  • 00:30:07
    but sunscreen is different now.
  • 00:30:09
    When I was a kid, we'd go to the beach
  • 00:30:11
    and my parents would look up at the sky
  • 00:30:13
    and they'd see the blazing sun, you know,
  • 00:30:15
    98 degrees or whatever.
  • 00:30:16
    And they're like, "Maybe we should dab
  • 00:30:18
    a little SPF 2 on him."
  • 00:30:19
    Just go di, di, di. "That should last all day.
  • 00:30:21
    Great. Get out there. Have fun."
  • 00:30:23
    Not anymore. The rules have changed.
  • 00:30:25
    Now you have to apply SPF 4000
  • 00:30:28
    to your kid every eight minutes head to toe
  • 00:30:31
    or you're going to get judge-y looks
  • 00:30:33
    from everybody around you.
  • 00:30:34
    I know because I've had this happen to me.
  • 00:30:36
    It's awful.
  • 00:30:37
    And if you've never tried to put sunscreen
  • 00:30:39
    on a kid, it's like trying to give a cat a bath.
  • 00:30:42
    Like it's a lot of claws, a lot of shaking.
  • 00:30:45
    You know, the whole time they're like,
  • 00:30:47
    "Don't spray it in my eyes," as they're like
  • 00:30:49
    tracking the eyes perfectly with the spray bottle.
  • 00:30:51
    I think I've only ever sprayed my kids
  • 00:30:52
    in the eyes, actually,
  • 00:30:54
    that's all I've ever managed to do. It's awful.
  • 00:30:56
    Sunscreen's problem number one.
  • 00:30:57
    Problem number two is the younger they are,
  • 00:31:00
    especially, the more they have, like,
  • 00:31:01
    this intrinsic death radar, like GPS
  • 00:31:04
    for what will kill them at the beach
  • 00:31:06
    and they go straight for it.
  • 00:31:08
    If you have a two year old and there's big waves,
  • 00:31:10
    they're just going to walk in like Aquaman.?
  • 00:31:12
    Like I'm just going to breathe underwater. You know?
  • 00:31:15
    You look up and your kid's riding a great white shark.
  • 00:31:17
    Like, that's bad. It's bad. It's really bad.
  • 00:31:20
    So if you're taking your kid to the beach
  • 00:31:22
    this summer, I'm going to pray for you.
  • 00:31:25
    That's what I'm going to do right now.
  • 00:31:26
    God, thank you so much for everybody who's here.
  • 00:31:28
    Thank you for summer. Thank you for fun.
  • 00:31:30
    Thank you for vacations.
  • 00:31:31
    I know there's a lot of people in here
  • 00:31:33
    going lots of places,
  • 00:31:34
    people who are watching online from all over the place.
  • 00:31:37
    I ask that You would give us restful trips away.
  • 00:31:39
    God, that You give us times of relaxation
  • 00:31:41
    and refreshment and restoration with You.
  • 00:31:43
    And I pray for today's message
  • 00:31:45
    that we would hear directly from You,
  • 00:31:47
    and You would push us closer to who You are
  • 00:31:50
    and the life You want to give us. Amen.
  • 00:31:52
    Now it was an awesome trip.
  • 00:31:54
    It was an amazing trip. Absolutely incredible.
  • 00:31:56
    The kids did awesome with the hundred miles of hiking.
  • 00:31:58
    The whole thing was great except for the very first hike.
  • 00:32:01
    The very first hike was supposed to be,
  • 00:32:04
    by the way, one of the best hikes.
  • 00:32:05
    It's called Devil's Bridge Hike.
  • 00:32:07
    It's outside of Sedona, Arizona.
  • 00:32:09
    It's the number three rated hike in all of America.
  • 00:32:12
    If you use the Alltrails app,
  • 00:32:13
    any the Alltrails fans out there?
  • 00:32:15
    Awesome, number three hike.
  • 00:32:16
    So I was looking forward to it. It's going to be fantastic.
  • 00:32:19
    And so we set off on this hike.
  • 00:32:21
    It's 100 degrees in the desert.
  • 00:32:23
    The sun is blazing. It's 2 p.m.
  • 00:32:27
    You have to climb a mountain to get to Devil's Bridge.
  • 00:32:30
    Everyone is struggling. It's sweating.
  • 00:32:33
    It's just awful, awful, awful, awful, awful.
  • 00:32:36
    This hike is the worst hike
  • 00:32:38
    I think I've ever done in my entire life.
  • 00:32:41
    Bad. But I'm a millennial
  • 00:32:43
    and so I wanted pictures of my kids smiling,
  • 00:32:45
    and I forced them to do this
  • 00:32:46
    through yelling and threatening them.
  • 00:32:48
    And so this is the picture of them.
  • 00:32:49
    It's total lies. All the smiles are fake.
  • 00:32:52
    It's because I was like, "Yeah, you smile.
  • 00:32:55
    I just need a picture." Just did this.
  • 00:32:57
    It's absolutely awful.
  • 00:32:58
    I bring this up because I want you
  • 00:33:01
    to not go to Devil's Bridge. Avoid it.
  • 00:33:04
    If you find yourself in the desert out west
  • 00:33:07
    and someone says, "Devil's Bridge is that way,"
  • 00:33:09
    do not go there. It's awful.
  • 00:33:14
    This actually applies to our message, by the way.
  • 00:33:17
    See, this message is about marriage.
  • 00:33:20
    It's not just for married people,
  • 00:33:21
    though for sure it is.
  • 00:33:22
    It's for anybody who someday hopes to be married.
  • 00:33:24
    Maybe right now you're in high school,
  • 00:33:26
    but you have a dream of getting married,
  • 00:33:28
    in college, have a dream of getting married,
  • 00:33:30
    or you're a single, you hope to.
  • 00:33:31
    Awesome. This message is for you, too.
  • 00:33:33
    Or maybe you're somebody who doesn't plan
  • 00:33:35
    on getting married in your life,
  • 00:33:37
    but you have friends who are married
  • 00:33:39
    and you want to be able to support them.
  • 00:33:41
    This message will give you, I think, the key
  • 00:33:43
    that you need to be able to support them well.
  • 00:33:47
    The truth is, every person who ever has been
  • 00:33:49
    or ever will be married will find themselves
  • 00:33:53
    in a desert in their marriage.
  • 00:33:54
    It will be hot. It will be dry.
  • 00:33:57
    You will be tired. You will be exhausted.
  • 00:34:00
    You will want to quit.
  • 00:34:01
    And out of the corner of your eye
  • 00:34:02
    you're going to see over that way a devil's bridge,
  • 00:34:05
    a way out of the marriage.
  • 00:34:07
    And you're going to see people who say,
  • 00:34:09
    "This is amazing, it's incredible. You should take it."
  • 00:34:12
    But friends, I'm here to tell you
  • 00:34:13
    do not take the way out.
  • 00:34:16
    I use that term intentionally, by the way, Devil's Bridge.
  • 00:34:19
    That might sound extreme to you,
  • 00:34:21
    but the Bible says that you have an enemy,
  • 00:34:24
    the devil. He's the father of lies.
  • 00:34:26
    And his goal is to steal, kill and destroy.
  • 00:34:29
    And I believe he's been telling a lie
  • 00:34:31
    about the foundations of what love
  • 00:34:34
    and marriage really are that has been
  • 00:34:36
    tricking people into taking the bridge out,
  • 00:34:38
    and therefore has stolen one of
  • 00:34:39
    the biggest blessings in life you can ever have:
  • 00:34:43
    a healthy, thriving, God-centered marriage.
  • 00:34:48
    You know everybody in some moment in their life
  • 00:34:51
    they'll hear this whisper
  • 00:34:52
    in the back of their head, "Take the bridge.
  • 00:34:54
    Maybe it's time to get out."
  • 00:34:56
    It starts as a whisper in the back of your mind.
  • 00:34:58
    It sounds something like, "Man,
  • 00:35:01
    she just doesn't appreciate me.
  • 00:35:03
    Man, maybe he's never going to change.
  • 00:35:06
    Maybe I'm just the easiest place for her
  • 00:35:08
    to blame all of her problems on.
  • 00:35:12
    She changed, he changed, I changed.
  • 00:35:14
    We used to work. We just don't work anymore.
  • 00:35:16
    Maybe we never will again."
  • 00:35:17
    It starts as a whisper in the back of your mind.
  • 00:35:20
    I don't know where you are right now in your life.
  • 00:35:22
    Maybe you're hiking in the desert
  • 00:35:24
    of a dry, hot marriage right now.
  • 00:35:26
    Or maybe you're just the first time this morning
  • 00:35:29
    heard that whisper in the back of your mind.
  • 00:35:31
    I don't know, but no matter where you are today,
  • 00:35:33
    I honestly have good news for you.
  • 00:35:35
    I believe a thriving, life-giving marriage
  • 00:35:38
    is possible for you.
  • 00:35:39
    I'm going to tell you how
  • 00:35:40
    I believe God says you can have it.
  • 00:35:42
    First, I do want to address two unique audiences up front.
  • 00:35:45
    One is if you are in a abusive relationship right now,
  • 00:35:49
    please do not interpret this message
  • 00:35:50
    as me or God or the Bible saying you need to stay.
  • 00:35:54
    No, you need to get to safety. That's number one.
  • 00:35:57
    That's the most important thing.
  • 00:36:01
    Number two, if you're here, if you're watching,
  • 00:36:03
    if you're listening online and you're divorced,
  • 00:36:05
    please do not hear condemnation in this message.
  • 00:36:08
    That is not my heart. That is not my goal.
  • 00:36:10
    That's not the message I think God would have for you.
  • 00:36:12
    I know that divorce is painful and complicated.
  • 00:36:15
    I know friends this year who fought
  • 00:36:17
    for their marriage, who stayed in,
  • 00:36:19
    who tried to be faithful, who wanted it to work,
  • 00:36:22
    and the other one didn't,
  • 00:36:23
    and therefore it broke apart.
  • 00:36:24
    I know it's painful.
  • 00:36:26
    I'm not here to condemn you for that.
  • 00:36:27
    I'm here to give you grace and offer you grace.
  • 00:36:29
    What I hope happens for you today is that
  • 00:36:32
    your trust, your belief in the institution,
  • 00:36:36
    the idea of marriage not only gets restored,
  • 00:36:39
    but that maybe there's a spark in you
  • 00:36:40
    that hopes for it again in a new way
  • 00:36:43
    maybe you thought was just impossible for you.
  • 00:36:46
    I do have to be up front, though,
  • 00:36:47
    about what a great marriage costs.
  • 00:36:49
    Because it costs everything,
  • 00:36:51
    literally everything that you have,
  • 00:36:54
    everything that you are.
  • 00:36:55
    But, you know there's a better question
  • 00:36:57
    than what does it cost, it's what is it worth?
  • 00:37:00
    It's not my idea, that comes from Jesus.
  • 00:37:02
    He said this in Matthew 13:44. He says:
  • 00:37:15
    Why would the man do that?
  • 00:37:16
    Because he's smart enough not to just ask,
  • 00:37:18
    "What does it cost?" He said, "What is it worth?"
  • 00:37:20
    And it's worth everything.
  • 00:37:22
    So what's a great marriage worth?
  • 00:37:23
    Believe it is worth more than everything you have.
  • 00:37:27
    No other human to human relationship
  • 00:37:30
    can match what marriage has to offer
  • 00:37:31
    in terms of unity and safety and protection
  • 00:37:34
    and joy and commitment and partnership.
  • 00:37:37
    There are other great relationships.
  • 00:37:38
    There are amazing things.
  • 00:37:39
    But the Bible says that when you're married,
  • 00:37:41
    two people literally become one.
  • 00:37:44
    There's something amazing and special that happens,
  • 00:37:46
    something sacred, something mystical in marriage.
  • 00:37:49
    Nothing else is like it.
  • 00:37:51
    Now, how do you get that kind of connection?
  • 00:37:54
    How do you get there? Well, according to God,
  • 00:37:57
    it all comes down to the match,
  • 00:37:59
    which sounds a lot like modern dating,
  • 00:38:01
    by the way, especially online dating. Right?
  • 00:38:03
    It's all about the match in online dating.
  • 00:38:05
    That's what all the apps, all the websites,
  • 00:38:07
    all they promise, they'll just give you the right match.
  • 00:38:10
    And so what we do is we go on the apps
  • 00:38:12
    and we we go on the websites and we go on the dates,
  • 00:38:14
    and we try to just find out whether we match.
  • 00:38:16
    And there's no formula exactly.
  • 00:38:18
    But the idea is if you find enough matches,
  • 00:38:20
    you find the right partner. Right?
  • 00:38:22
    So stuff like, "Hey, do you like sushi?"
  • 00:38:24
    "Oh, I do like sushi." "Oh that's fantastic."
  • 00:38:25
    "How many kids do you want? Two and a half?
  • 00:38:27
    Me too. Awesome. Perfect. It's great."
  • 00:38:30
    And eventually you get enough matches
  • 00:38:32
    and you get engaged, and then you get married.
  • 00:38:35
    Sarah and I's story starts this way, very much so.
  • 00:38:38
    We were 24 when we started dating,
  • 00:38:41
    or I was actually, sorry, I was 23
  • 00:38:43
    when we started dating.
  • 00:38:44
    And right off the bat, I saw some positive signs in her,
  • 00:38:49
    three things that matched that I was just pumped about.
  • 00:38:52
    She liked sports, dark beer and steak.
  • 00:38:54
    And when I was that age, that was like
  • 00:38:56
    the holy trinity of stuff that mattered to me.
  • 00:38:59
    I was like, awesome, let's start dating.
  • 00:39:01
    And we started dating, getting closer together.
  • 00:39:04
    And that's pretty normal, pretty typical.
  • 00:39:05
    But this is where our story gets a little bit strange.
  • 00:39:08
    See, Sarah and I went together on
  • 00:39:11
    the first ever Go Trip that Crossroads ever does.
  • 00:39:14
    If you don't know what a Go Trip is,
  • 00:39:15
    it's where we send normal people like me and you
  • 00:39:18
    and whoever else wants to go,
  • 00:39:20
    whether or not you believe in Jesus or not,
  • 00:39:21
    by the way, will send you to another part
  • 00:39:24
    of the world just to help serve the poor
  • 00:39:26
    and the least of these in their homes.
  • 00:39:28
    They're amazing experiences.
  • 00:39:29
    And we got to go on the very first one
  • 00:39:30
    to South Africa together.
  • 00:39:32
    And on night one of this trip,
  • 00:39:34
    you're going to think I'm making this story up.
  • 00:39:36
    I promise I'm not.
  • 00:39:37
    Night one of this trip, Sarah and I
  • 00:39:39
    are at the hotel having
  • 00:39:40
    a completely normal conversation about something.
  • 00:39:43
    I don't know, like what we wanted to have
  • 00:39:45
    for dinner that night or what time the bus
  • 00:39:47
    was going to pick us up, something totally normal.
  • 00:39:49
    And in the middle of this conversation,
  • 00:39:51
    this voice that I instantly knew to be God's voice
  • 00:39:54
    dropped in uninvited, unexpected,
  • 00:39:57
    into the back of my mind and said,
  • 00:39:58
    "This is your wife."
  • 00:40:00
    And I was like, "What?" mid-sentence stop talking.
  • 00:40:04
    "What?" Crazier, at the exact same moment,
  • 00:40:09
    Sarah hears the same voice in her mind say,
  • 00:40:12
    "This is your husband," stop mid-sentence,
  • 00:40:15
    stared at each other, like, just awkward.
  • 00:40:17
    It felt like ten minutes.
  • 00:40:18
    "Um, you can talk, I can talk."
  • 00:40:21
    Finally, I was like, "Did you hear that?"
  • 00:40:23
    She goes, "Yeah, I did."
  • 00:40:26
    It's like, "What? I -- I heard you're my wife."
  • 00:40:29
    And she goes, "I heard you're my husband."
  • 00:40:31
    And we just sat there looking at each other,
  • 00:40:33
    it's wildly uncomfortable, still to this day,
  • 00:40:36
    I'm like, oh my gosh, it's so awkward, so strange.
  • 00:40:39
    Very strange. Now we were matched, point is,
  • 00:40:45
    by God Himself. Pinnacle of match.
  • 00:40:48
    I don't know that it gets better than that.
  • 00:40:50
    I don't know that that you can have
  • 00:40:51
    a better match than that.
  • 00:40:53
    Maybe you hear that story and you're like,
  • 00:40:55
    "Well, gosh, if God matched me and my spouse,
  • 00:40:57
    maybe I'd have a better marriage right now, Kyle.
  • 00:40:59
    Is that what you're saying?
  • 00:41:01
    Is that the point of this message?"
  • 00:41:03
    No, no, it's not, it's not.
  • 00:41:05
    You know the reason you think that, though,
  • 00:41:07
    is because you might believe
  • 00:41:09
    what popular culture teaches, which is that
  • 00:41:12
    it's all about the match,
  • 00:41:14
    so deeply that you don't even question it.
  • 00:41:17
    And, friends, that's the lie.
  • 00:41:19
    The lie is that it's about the match,
  • 00:41:21
    and that will utterly destroy you.
  • 00:41:24
    Because at some point in every single marriage,
  • 00:41:26
    probably more than once, by the way,
  • 00:41:28
    the sun will come out, the marriage will get
  • 00:41:30
    very dry and hot and painful,
  • 00:41:33
    and you'll hear this voice.
  • 00:41:34
    It might happen after a year, "Because, man,
  • 00:41:37
    we used to match, but now we don't.
  • 00:41:40
    We're different."
  • 00:41:41
    After three years, after seven years, ten years,
  • 00:41:44
    when the kids move out and you're empty nesters.
  • 00:41:45
    "Before we were, we were -- before we had kids
  • 00:41:48
    we really fit, but now that the kids are gone,
  • 00:41:50
    we kind of discover that we're not really a match anymore."
  • 00:41:53
    That's the lie that destroys marriages.
  • 00:41:56
    See, I'm convinced that the match matters exactly 0%.
  • 00:41:59
    How do I know? Because God Himself, I would say,
  • 00:42:02
    matched me and Sarah.
  • 00:42:04
    And that match has mattered exactly 0%
  • 00:42:07
    in our almost 18 year old marriage.
  • 00:42:09
    And it will matter exactly 0% in yours too.
  • 00:42:14
    See, after God said to get married,
  • 00:42:16
    we did very quickly, by the way, because,
  • 00:42:18
    you know, God said to.
  • 00:42:20
    So what would you do, drag your heels?
  • 00:42:22
    No, we started dating in February.
  • 00:42:26
    That trip happened in April.
  • 00:42:28
    In May I ask her to marry me,
  • 00:42:29
    and in September we got married, fast.
  • 00:42:33
    What does that mean? Thank you. Yes, it was great.
  • 00:42:35
    It was. Thank you for clapping. It was.
  • 00:42:36
    It was great. It was really, really good.
  • 00:42:40
    Now, what it meant, though, is
  • 00:42:42
    we were getting to know each other, like,
  • 00:42:44
    really know each other after we were married.
  • 00:42:47
    By the way, this will happen to you, too.
  • 00:42:49
    When I do premarital counseling with couples
  • 00:42:51
    in the first session, I sit them down
  • 00:42:53
    and I always say, you know.
  • 00:42:54
    So tell me about some of your most common arguments
  • 00:42:57
    and points of disagreement.
  • 00:42:59
    And almost 100 out of 100, you know what they say?
  • 00:43:02
    "Oh, we don't fight. We just love each other.
  • 00:43:06
    It's just there's no arguments."
  • 00:43:09
    And I go, "Oh, that's because
  • 00:43:11
    you're lying to each other right now.
  • 00:43:14
    This is a job interview.
  • 00:43:16
    That's what engagement is and dating is.
  • 00:43:18
    And then you get married and you've got the job
  • 00:43:20
    and the real you comes out."
  • 00:43:24
    Sarah and I were getting to know
  • 00:43:25
    the real us after we got we got married.
  • 00:43:27
    I mean, really, we were.
  • 00:43:28
    We celebrated Valentine's Day
  • 00:43:30
    six months into our marriage, basically.
  • 00:43:31
    That's crazy. It was like, "Hey, wife.
  • 00:43:37
    Don't tell me your name. I know it starts with an S.
  • 00:43:39
    Susan? Sarah. So close.
  • 00:43:41
    What do you want to do for Valentine's Day?
  • 00:43:43
    We've never done this before."
  • 00:43:44
    It was crazy. Now, what I discovered, though,
  • 00:43:47
    and what she discovered about me, is that
  • 00:43:49
    we were, and I would say are the world's worst match.
  • 00:43:54
    Literally, awful.
  • 00:43:55
    Every single thing is the opposite.
  • 00:43:57
    Every personality test we've ever taken,
  • 00:43:59
    we are the opposite.
  • 00:44:01
    All the Myers-Briggs letters, exactly different.
  • 00:44:05
    She's an introvert. I'm an extrovert.
  • 00:44:07
    She like wants to plan everything
  • 00:44:09
    and be very organized.
  • 00:44:10
    I'm spontaneous. I want to keep my options open.
  • 00:44:13
    She's very safety conscious.
  • 00:44:15
    I zoned out right after you said the word safety.
  • 00:44:18
    Not interested in it. Worst match.
  • 00:44:21
    And we can laugh about it now.
  • 00:44:23
    But I'm telling you, it was painful,
  • 00:44:25
    especially early on in our marriage
  • 00:44:27
    there were points where I would sit
  • 00:44:28
    and I would wonder, was this a mistake?
  • 00:44:31
    Did I hear that voice right?
  • 00:44:32
    And I know she thought the same exact thing.
  • 00:44:34
    Was this a mistake? We don't match together.
  • 00:44:37
    This is difficult. It's awful.
  • 00:44:39
    And so I decided to do the only logical thing,
  • 00:44:42
    which is to fix it.
  • 00:44:43
    And by it, I mean her.
  • 00:44:46
    I would just get her to match me. Right?
  • 00:44:50
    And so I worked at a church and I, you know,
  • 00:44:52
    I kind of told her, "Yeah, God says
  • 00:44:54
    that community is important.
  • 00:44:55
    And I know you kind of label yourself
  • 00:44:57
    an introvert or whatever, but maybe
  • 00:44:59
    that's spiritual immaturity
  • 00:45:00
    and you need to hang out with people the way I want to."
  • 00:45:05
    That didn't go very well. Yeah.
  • 00:45:06
    I feel like you guys know where the story is going.
  • 00:45:08
    Bad. It was awful.
  • 00:45:11
    Really it almost killed our marriage.
  • 00:45:14
    It was really bad to try to get each other to fit.
  • 00:45:16
    And she did these things to me.
  • 00:45:17
    Maybe you could fit me.
  • 00:45:18
    Maybe if you wanted to plan everything out,
  • 00:45:20
    sit down every single Sunday night
  • 00:45:21
    and go through hour by hour our entire week.
  • 00:45:23
    I was like, that sounds awful.
  • 00:45:25
    No, please don't do that.
  • 00:45:27
    Almost killed us trying to become
  • 00:45:29
    the perfect match for each other.
  • 00:45:31
    But I wonder about you, where you are in your marriage.
  • 00:45:34
    Are you placing your future hope
  • 00:45:36
    and the success of your marriage,
  • 00:45:38
    in becoming or being the perfect match to each other?
  • 00:45:42
    Maybe if she just changes a little bit.
  • 00:45:44
    She just wants to see friends as often as I do.
  • 00:45:47
    If he just wants to have sex as often as I do.
  • 00:45:50
    This is where we get to as couples.
  • 00:45:52
    And I'm telling you, if you're focused on that,
  • 00:45:55
    you're focused on the wrong match.
  • 00:45:57
    See, according to God,
  • 00:45:58
    there's a completely different match that
  • 00:46:00
    should be getting all of your attention.
  • 00:46:02
    Now, one of the best reasons to get married,
  • 00:46:04
    I think, goes under the radar.
  • 00:46:05
    We don't talk about it enough.
  • 00:46:06
    Best reasons to get married is you get a lot of free stuff.
  • 00:46:09
    Like, a lot of free stuff.
  • 00:46:12
    Some genius, I don't know when,
  • 00:46:15
    invented this thing called a gift registry
  • 00:46:18
    and it's awesome.
  • 00:46:19
    Now, guys, I got to tell you, I got to
  • 00:46:21
    just take it down one notch from there.
  • 00:46:24
    I thought when we got the gift registry.
  • 00:46:25
    Sarah's like, "This is great.
  • 00:46:26
    We're going to go register for all the things we need."
  • 00:46:29
    I was like, "Cool, I need a kegerator,
  • 00:46:30
    a pool table, maybe a hot tub, you know? Cool."
  • 00:46:32
    She's like, "No, not that.
  • 00:46:34
    It's like a vacuum cleaner, a blender
  • 00:46:37
    and a duvet cover."
  • 00:46:38
    I was like, "What's a duvet cover?"
  • 00:46:41
    I found out, if you don't know,
  • 00:46:42
    this duvet cover, it's a real thing.
  • 00:46:44
    It is a wrapper for a blanket.
  • 00:46:45
    It is completely unnecessary.
  • 00:46:52
    I just imagine there was, like, sales were down
  • 00:46:56
    at Blanket Co and so they had a brainstorm,
  • 00:47:00
    like, "How do we boost sales again guys?"
  • 00:47:03
    And Carl from accounting was, like,
  • 00:47:04
    "What if we sold the inside separate from the outside?
  • 00:47:07
    People would pay twice."
  • 00:47:09
    They're like, "That's not going to work.
  • 00:47:11
    Carl, you're an idiot.
  • 00:47:12
    Carl, why do you think -- that's just real dumb."
  • 00:47:14
    And then Lauren from marketing, Lauren's like,
  • 00:47:16
    "I got an idea. What if we name the outside,
  • 00:47:18
    that second part, something French sounding?
  • 00:47:22
    Americans, they'll buy anything
  • 00:47:24
    if it sounds like it's from France.
  • 00:47:25
    Duvet cover."
  • 00:47:28
    And it's worked and you're laughing,
  • 00:47:30
    but this is you, right?
  • 00:47:31
    You buy stuff that sounds like it's from France.
  • 00:47:33
    Anybody drink Lacroix? Lacroix. Lacroix.
  • 00:47:38
    You imagine when you're drinking this
  • 00:47:40
    that you're in Paris.
  • 00:47:41
    These French people, that's a French smile, by the way.
  • 00:47:43
    You can't tell, but that's what a smile is in France.
  • 00:47:46
    Having a great time in a Parisian cafe.
  • 00:47:48
    Let me bring you down gently.
  • 00:47:50
    Do you know where Lacroix is actually made?
  • 00:47:54
    Wisconsin.
  • 00:47:56
    Check the back of your can at home, I promise.
  • 00:47:58
    You're drinking old Milwaukee water.
  • 00:48:02
    That's what you're actually drinking.
  • 00:48:06
    So, you get gifts when you get married.
  • 00:48:08
    They're great. Again. Duvet covers.
  • 00:48:10
    I don't know, whatever. But you do get gifts.
  • 00:48:12
    Now, every married couple actually gets
  • 00:48:15
    a gift you did not register for,
  • 00:48:17
    but everyone gets it the moment you say I do,
  • 00:48:20
    and it's from God Himself.
  • 00:48:22
    What is it? It's a book of matches.
  • 00:48:25
    He gives you a book of matches.
  • 00:48:26
    See, every single day you have a choice with those matches.
  • 00:48:31
    If you're in a room right now, go ahead and take those out.
  • 00:48:33
    Those are in your pocket, in your seat.
  • 00:48:35
    You got them on your way in.
  • 00:48:36
    If you're watching online, go to your junk drawer.
  • 00:48:38
    There are matches there.
  • 00:48:40
    I promise every junk drawer spawns them.
  • 00:48:45
    Get them and just hold them in your hand.
  • 00:48:46
    It'd be great.
  • 00:48:49
    Every single day you have matches,
  • 00:48:52
    and these aren't normal matches where they run out.
  • 00:48:55
    See, you have one every day and every day
  • 00:48:58
    you will strike it, you will light it,
  • 00:49:00
    and you will set something on fire,
  • 00:49:02
    either yourself or your marriage.
  • 00:49:06
    It's your only choice.
  • 00:49:08
    The next day, you're going to wake up
  • 00:49:10
    and there's a brand new match in your matchbook.
  • 00:49:12
    One match, and you have the choice
  • 00:49:13
    over and over and over again.
  • 00:49:16
    See, popular wisdom says that a great marriage
  • 00:49:18
    comes from being a great match. It doesn't.
  • 00:49:21
    It comes from using the match
  • 00:49:23
    that God has given you to do what He calls you to,
  • 00:49:26
    which is to sacrifice yourself
  • 00:49:28
    for the sake of your spouse. That's it.
  • 00:49:34
    Some of you are like,
  • 00:49:35
    "That's not exactly what I expected.
  • 00:49:37
    I thought you were going to say love.
  • 00:49:39
    Like, isn't that what the Bible is about,
  • 00:49:41
    preacher boy? Love. God is love.
  • 00:49:43
    All this fire burning, very, you know, not.
  • 00:49:46
    It's like, well, I get it, but a little extreme, right?"
  • 00:49:48
    Well, let's talk about it for a second.
  • 00:49:50
    You know, the Bible does say that God is love,
  • 00:49:52
    and it does.
  • 00:49:54
    Its primary call is to love other people.
  • 00:49:57
    100%. Absolutely. 1 John 4:16 says God is love.
  • 00:50:03
    But do you know that the Bible also says
  • 00:50:05
    that God is fire? Deuteronomy 4:24:
  • 00:50:13
    And it turns out that these two concepts,
  • 00:50:15
    love and fire, are far more related
  • 00:50:18
    than you ever thought possible.
  • 00:50:20
    Fire shows up all over in the Bible, by the way.
  • 00:50:22
    It's a pillar of fire that guides
  • 00:50:24
    the Israelites through the desert at night.
  • 00:50:25
    God talks to Moses out of a burning bush,
  • 00:50:28
    a bush on fire.
  • 00:50:29
    John the Baptist says that Jesus one day
  • 00:50:31
    will baptize us with fire.
  • 00:50:33
    But the number one place that you see fire in
  • 00:50:35
    the Bible is in relation to the sacrificial system.
  • 00:50:38
    The sacrificial system, just to kind of nerd out
  • 00:50:40
    a little bit, just real quick, I promise,
  • 00:50:42
    real quick with you about
  • 00:50:43
    Old Testament sacrificial system.
  • 00:50:45
    There were five main sacrifices,
  • 00:50:47
    nuances and differences between them.
  • 00:50:49
    But the big idea was the same in all of them.
  • 00:50:52
    You would take something precious of your own,
  • 00:50:55
    usually an animal, you'd put it on a pile of wood,
  • 00:50:59
    and then you would set it on fire
  • 00:51:01
    and watch it burn as an act
  • 00:51:04
    of love and devotion to God.
  • 00:51:06
    That's the sacrificial system.
  • 00:51:08
    Now, maybe you've heard now that Jesus has come
  • 00:51:11
    the sacrificial system is no longer,
  • 00:51:13
    it has been done away with.
  • 00:51:14
    And I would say that's not exactly true.
  • 00:51:16
    What is true is that it has changed significantly.
  • 00:51:19
    See, when God sent Jesus, He sent Him
  • 00:51:22
    as a sacrifice in place of one of
  • 00:51:24
    the main sacrifices, the sin offering sacrifice.
  • 00:51:29
    He put himself on a Cross,
  • 00:51:31
    climbed up on a pile of wood,
  • 00:51:32
    and let Himself walk through the fires of death.
  • 00:51:35
    God radically changes it with Jesus.
  • 00:51:37
    Rather than be the God who says,
  • 00:51:40
    "I want you to sacrifice for me
  • 00:51:42
    to prove your devotion to me," God says,
  • 00:51:44
    "Actually, let me set you an example.
  • 00:51:46
    I'm going to sacrifice for you
  • 00:51:47
    to prove my devotion to you."
  • 00:51:50
    This is the sacrificial system,
  • 00:51:52
    setting yourself on fire and watching it burn.
  • 00:51:56
    Now, He didn't end the sacrificial system.
  • 00:51:58
    I would say He redefined the sacrificial system.
  • 00:52:01
    What's fascinating is in that move,
  • 00:52:04
    do you know that that act,
  • 00:52:05
    the act of Jesus giving Himself for us,
  • 00:52:07
    is now the definition of love.
  • 00:52:10
    It says this in 1 John 3:16:
  • 00:52:14
    In other words, this is how we know the definition.
  • 00:52:23
    See, love is sacrifice.
  • 00:52:26
    And sacrifice is quite literally
  • 00:52:28
    taking something precious of yours, your time;
  • 00:52:31
    taking something precious of yours,
  • 00:52:33
    your preference on your family calendar;
  • 00:52:35
    taking something precious of yours,
  • 00:52:37
    the job that tears you away from your family;
  • 00:52:39
    taking something precious of yours,
  • 00:52:40
    your bank account that's separate from hers;
  • 00:52:42
    taking something precious of yours,
  • 00:52:44
    your phone that you retreat to at night
  • 00:52:46
    instead of talking to her, or that drinking habit
  • 00:52:48
    that she's asked you to stop again and again;
  • 00:52:50
    taking something precious of yours
  • 00:52:51
    and putting it on the altar and lighting it on fire
  • 00:52:54
    for the sake of someone else.
  • 00:52:56
    That is what love is.
  • 00:52:58
    And if you want a happy, successful marriage,
  • 00:53:00
    that's what you have to do.
  • 00:53:02
    A popular wisdom again says, "That's not what love is.
  • 00:53:05
    Love is the feeling of happiness
  • 00:53:07
    that I have when I'm around you."
  • 00:53:10
    People talk about love fading, right?
  • 00:53:12
    "Well, our love just kind of faded away."
  • 00:53:15
    What do they mean by that?
  • 00:53:16
    Well, they mean that we used to be happy
  • 00:53:18
    when we were together, but the happiness faded,
  • 00:53:21
    and therefore love must have faded.
  • 00:53:24
    Why? Well, because happiness was the foundation
  • 00:53:26
    of that kind of love.
  • 00:53:27
    But that kind of love isn't what the Bible talks about.
  • 00:53:30
    1 Corinthians 13:8 says, love never fails.
  • 00:53:35
    If it doesn't fail, doesn't fade,
  • 00:53:37
    doesn't change, nothing can defeat it.
  • 00:53:39
    Happiness going away can't defeat it.
  • 00:53:41
    See, it's the opposite in God's love.
  • 00:53:44
    Happiness is a result of love in God's economy.
  • 00:53:49
    If you love somebody, sacrifice yourself
  • 00:53:51
    for your spouse every single day.
  • 00:53:53
    If you want a happy marriage, this is the only way:
  • 00:53:57
    you sacrifice for them again and again
  • 00:53:59
    and again and again.
  • 00:54:00
    And here's the key: Not when they deserve it.
  • 00:54:05
    Let me ask you a question.
  • 00:54:06
    When did Jesus sacrifice Himself for you?
  • 00:54:11
    Was it the day you deserved it?
  • 00:54:13
    Was it the best moment of your life?
  • 00:54:16
    Was it when you finally got it all together?
  • 00:54:18
    When you completed that Bible reading plan
  • 00:54:20
    you said you would?
  • 00:54:21
    When you had perfect church attendance or whatever,
  • 00:54:23
    you finally kicked that habit?
  • 00:54:24
    Is that when He died for you? No.
  • 00:54:28
    Romans 5:8 says: But God demonstrates
  • 00:54:30
    His own love for us in this
  • 00:54:32
    while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
  • 00:54:38
    And He says do the same.
  • 00:54:39
    1 John 3:16, Now we know what love is.
  • 00:54:42
    Jesus sacrificed Himself for us.
  • 00:54:43
    We ought to do it for our brothers and sisters.
  • 00:54:46
    This is love, exactly the moment they don't deserve it.
  • 00:54:48
    That means exactly in the moment
  • 00:54:50
    when your marriage is dry
  • 00:54:51
    and you're just ready to give up,
  • 00:54:54
    when there's nothing that he's done that
  • 00:54:55
    could possibly make you want to serve him
  • 00:54:57
    or care for him or show him any kind of affection.
  • 00:54:59
    When she doesn't listen to you, and so on.
  • 00:55:01
    You just have -- You're done with it.
  • 00:55:03
    You don't want to talk anymore.
  • 00:55:04
    That's the exact moment to sacrifice.
  • 00:55:06
    That's the perfect moment.
  • 00:55:08
    Love hasn't failed.
  • 00:55:09
    Love is finally getting its shot in that moment.
  • 00:55:12
    That's what God would say. You step into it.
  • 00:55:15
    The most powerful thing you can do
  • 00:55:16
    for your marriage is commit to it.
  • 00:55:19
    I got a tattoo. My first tattoo.
  • 00:55:21
    Only tattoo so far.
  • 00:55:22
    First tattoo, only tattoo a number of years ago.
  • 00:55:24
    This one. And by the way,
  • 00:55:26
    you might have seen Brian has a very similar tattoo
  • 00:55:29
    in a very similar spot.
  • 00:55:30
    Yes, we did get it in the same place on the same day.
  • 00:55:33
    His is slightly different and I got mine first.
  • 00:55:35
    It was my idea.
  • 00:55:36
    And he's not here to contradict that,
  • 00:55:38
    so let's just put this in the official record.
  • 00:55:40
    My idea.
  • 00:55:43
    We were in Jerusalem together
  • 00:55:45
    and at this tattoo shop, 700 years old.
  • 00:55:49
    The oldest tattoo shop in the entire world.
  • 00:55:51
    It's started by a family that began tattooing
  • 00:55:54
    Christian pilgrims in the Holy Land.
  • 00:55:57
    And back in those those days, 700 years ago,
  • 00:55:59
    being identified as a Christian could very easily
  • 00:56:02
    get you killed in many parts of the world.
  • 00:56:04
    But these people would come to Jerusalem
  • 00:56:06
    and they'd have this amazing experience
  • 00:56:07
    that would cement in their minds their faith
  • 00:56:10
    to the point where they were like,
  • 00:56:11
    "I could never deny this."
  • 00:56:12
    And they wanted a kind of a mark the moment memento
  • 00:56:15
    of this in their life, a way to to to cement it.
  • 00:56:18
    And so they started tattooing signs of the cross
  • 00:56:21
    on their forearms, the place that
  • 00:56:24
    was really hard to cover up.
  • 00:56:25
    That way, if they went home
  • 00:56:27
    and someone discovered they were a Christian
  • 00:56:28
    and it cost them their life, they were going,
  • 00:56:30
    "It's fine with me because I'm in no matter what.
  • 00:56:32
    I'm in, no matter what it costs me."
  • 00:56:34
    And so I got this tattoo, because in an age where
  • 00:56:36
    many people my age are de-converting, I'm not.
  • 00:56:40
    I'm convinced that Jesus is who He said He is.
  • 00:56:42
    And so I got this tattoo as a way to follow
  • 00:56:45
    in the footsteps of the ancients, of saying,
  • 00:56:46
    "I'm in to follow Jesus no matter what it costs me,
  • 00:56:50
    even including my entire life."
  • 00:56:53
    Now, it was an easy decision, because
  • 00:56:55
    this is not the first time I have a symbol
  • 00:56:57
    that represents that on my body.
  • 00:57:00
    Inside my wedding ring I've been wearing now
  • 00:57:02
    for almost 18 years is -- there are two words.
  • 00:57:05
    There's "love" "beautiful."
  • 00:57:07
    Now, those are our nicknames for each other.
  • 00:57:09
    For the record, I'm love, not beautiful.
  • 00:57:11
    And she's beautiful. Just very cute, I know.
  • 00:57:15
    But they're also what I see as my orders in my marriage.
  • 00:57:19
    And they're in that order because they are my orders.
  • 00:57:22
    Love, meaning, sacrifice myself for Sarah,
  • 00:57:25
    for beautiful every day I've worn them on my body.
  • 00:57:29
    See, I was fortunate enough to have somebody
  • 00:57:31
    in our premarital counseling who said,
  • 00:57:33
    "Kyle, if you want a healthy marriage,
  • 00:57:35
    you have to learn to die.
  • 00:57:37
    You have to learn to give yourself up."
  • 00:57:40
    And I've been trying.
  • 00:57:41
    Like I said, I haven't been perfect on this.
  • 00:57:43
    There are so many times I failed.
  • 00:57:44
    I'm sure there's ways I'm failing right now.
  • 00:57:46
    I'm sure I'll fail tomorrow.
  • 00:57:47
    But the goal I have, the objective I have,
  • 00:57:49
    the thing on the horizon I'm aiming for
  • 00:57:51
    is that God-centered marriage, the kind that
  • 00:57:54
    loves always, always, always, no matter what.
  • 00:57:58
    In fact, the most powerful thing you can do
  • 00:58:00
    is commit to your marriage.
  • 00:58:02
    That's the absolute most powerful thing.
  • 00:58:03
    Now, the Bible does say that all over the place,
  • 00:58:06
    but I've given you lots of Bible and lots of God stuff.
  • 00:58:08
    And so I know there's some people in here
  • 00:58:10
    who were all in on the Bible, and we agree with it.
  • 00:58:12
    There's other of us who are just checking stuff out.
  • 00:58:14
    If that's you, super glad you're with us.
  • 00:58:16
    Hope you're getting a different
  • 00:58:17
    and fresh perspective on what love is
  • 00:58:19
    and what marriage is is pushing you,
  • 00:58:21
    hopefully in helpful ways.
  • 00:58:22
    But I want to go to a different source
  • 00:58:24
    to make this point for you:
  • 00:58:26
    an article from Forbes in fact.
  • 00:58:28
    They recently put out this thing on May 30th.
  • 00:58:30
    It was kind of their 2024 report
  • 00:58:32
    on divorce and statistics,
  • 00:58:34
    and I found this one fascinating. Forbes says:
  • 00:58:53
    Some of you are in here
  • 00:58:54
    and you are not engaged, you're not married.
  • 00:58:58
    Maybe you've been dating
  • 00:58:59
    and you're scared of commitment.
  • 00:59:01
    You haven't made the commitment.
  • 00:59:02
    I just want to point out to you that
  • 00:59:04
    the thing that you're scared of is the one thing
  • 00:59:07
    that's most likely to guarantee you
  • 00:59:09
    a happy, fulfilled marriage.
  • 00:59:13
    More and more people, unfortunately, are scared of it.
  • 00:59:15
    Cohabitation is on the rise.
  • 00:59:17
    I mean, if you looked at the stats recently,
  • 00:59:18
    divorce is actually going down in America
  • 00:59:22
    and that looks good if you just look at that stat.
  • 00:59:24
    However, marriage is going down faster, bad.
  • 00:59:27
    More and more people are trying to thing
  • 00:59:28
    of cohabitation and it makes some sense,
  • 00:59:30
    some logical sense.
  • 00:59:31
    "Maybe we try this out, see if it's for us,
  • 00:59:34
    and that would make us more able to succeed
  • 00:59:37
    when we're married, right?"
  • 00:59:38
    No, actually, you can go back to the 1970s.
  • 00:59:42
    Every study that's ever looked at this
  • 00:59:44
    has the same exact conclusion.
  • 00:59:45
    If your goal is to jeopardize your future marriage,
  • 00:59:50
    the best way to jeopardize it,
  • 00:59:52
    to ensure that it fails
  • 00:59:53
    is to live together before you're married.
  • 00:59:55
    That same Forbes study says that
  • 00:59:57
    the couples who live together
  • 00:59:59
    are 50% more likely to get divorced
  • 01:00:02
    than couples who don't. Why?
  • 01:00:04
    Well, because commitment is the key.
  • 01:00:08
    And intimacy without commitment
  • 01:00:11
    kills relationships.
  • 01:00:13
    It's destined to kill relationships.
  • 01:00:16
    Love is the commitment to sacrifice,
  • 01:00:18
    big and small, day after day,
  • 01:00:20
    week after week, month after month,
  • 01:00:21
    year after year, big and small.
  • 01:00:24
    One of the small ways I've sacrificed
  • 01:00:26
    for Sarah over the years is
  • 01:00:28
    on the weekends with her running.
  • 01:00:30
    It was probably 13 years ago
  • 01:00:31
    when our first kid came along
  • 01:00:33
    and she was trying to get back into shape.
  • 01:00:35
    And she got back into running.
  • 01:00:36
    She'd done track in high school and she loved it.
  • 01:00:38
    And so she got back into running.
  • 01:00:40
    And at first it was like, no big deal, right?
  • 01:00:42
    She ran a couple of miles.
  • 01:00:43
    It took 30 minutes, no big deal.
  • 01:00:45
    Well, then she wanted to run a 10k.
  • 01:00:47
    And then a 10k became a half marathon.
  • 01:00:49
    And then a half marathon became a marathon.
  • 01:00:51
    That's when I learned marathon training is long,
  • 01:00:54
    like long, you go run 20 miles
  • 01:00:57
    on a Saturday morning, you're gone like the whole day.
  • 01:01:01
    And we had little kids.
  • 01:01:03
    I didn't want to wake up and take care of my little kids.
  • 01:01:05
    Why would I want to do that? By myself? No, thanks.
  • 01:01:07
    On a Saturday? It's my day off.
  • 01:01:10
    But I noticed something for her,
  • 01:01:12
    that running was more than physical exercise.
  • 01:01:14
    It was a mental boost to her. It was a spiritual boost to her.
  • 01:01:17
    There was something critical in importance.
  • 01:01:20
    So for 13 years I have been the one
  • 01:01:22
    who does Saturdays with the kids.
  • 01:01:25
    I wake up, I make pancakes
  • 01:01:27
    almost every single Saturday for 13 straight years.
  • 01:01:30
    I make pancakes, the best ones you've ever had,
  • 01:01:32
    by the way, amazing, from scratch.
  • 01:01:34
    And then I cleaned it all up.
  • 01:01:36
    Oftentimes that means lunch too, clean it all up.
  • 01:01:39
    And I know that's small.
  • 01:01:40
    You're like, really? Is that a big deal?
  • 01:01:42
    But sometimes those small sacrifices,
  • 01:01:44
    those are the most meaningful ones.
  • 01:01:47
    You know, I think every husband in the world
  • 01:01:48
    has this mentality in him of like,
  • 01:01:51
    "Man, I would take a bullet for my wife."
  • 01:01:53
    Awesome. Would you take out the trash, though?
  • 01:01:56
    Would you do that? Did you empty the dishwasher?
  • 01:01:58
    Would you do that?
  • 01:02:00
    Sarah once told me that the most loving thing
  • 01:02:03
    I've ever done for her, the way that
  • 01:02:04
    she most feels loved, is when I get her water cup.
  • 01:02:08
    I notice it's empty and I fill it without asking
  • 01:02:10
    and bring it back to her.
  • 01:02:11
    Seriously. Small things can matter.
  • 01:02:16
    The big ones are important too.
  • 01:02:18
    About five years ago in our marriage,
  • 01:02:19
    we were in a beautiful house.
  • 01:02:21
    I would say it was our dream house.
  • 01:02:22
    Big, beautiful old home that was renovated.
  • 01:02:25
    We had bought it from my parents
  • 01:02:26
    at a really steep family discount,
  • 01:02:28
    otherwise we couldn't have afforded it.
  • 01:02:30
    It was beautiful. Everything was done.
  • 01:02:32
    Everything was renovated. It was perfect.
  • 01:02:34
    It was in a perfect neighborhood for running,
  • 01:02:36
    beautiful, but I had grown up
  • 01:02:38
    out in the country with land to explore
  • 01:02:41
    and kind of roam around, and I just loved it.
  • 01:02:44
    It was an experience I wanted for the kids.
  • 01:02:46
    And so I came to her and I said,
  • 01:02:47
    "Hey, I know you love this house,
  • 01:02:50
    but what if we sold it?"
  • 01:02:52
    We went and we looked
  • 01:02:53
    and houses on land are more expensive.
  • 01:02:55
    And so to get more land,
  • 01:02:57
    we had to get way less house
  • 01:02:58
    and one that needed a whole lot of work.
  • 01:03:01
    And we went, we found this house
  • 01:03:02
    that needed everything. Needed everything.
  • 01:03:05
    And she decided, "Yes, I'm in."
  • 01:03:07
    Sold that house.
  • 01:03:09
    We've been living in the new one for five years,
  • 01:03:11
    still under construction, still not quite done.
  • 01:03:13
    And I know that drives her nuts.
  • 01:03:15
    I know what she gave up.
  • 01:03:16
    I know it's painful for her.
  • 01:03:17
    And I also know she would do it again
  • 01:03:20
    because she gets it, because she is in.
  • 01:03:24
    See, a transcendent marriage,
  • 01:03:25
    it'll cost you everything.
  • 01:03:27
    But again, man, don't ask what it costs.
  • 01:03:29
    Ask what it's worth.
  • 01:03:31
    I'm here to tell you my life it's worth more
  • 01:03:34
    than everything I could possibly give up.
  • 01:03:36
    Because of my marriage, I am stronger,
  • 01:03:38
    I am more confident.
  • 01:03:39
    I have a place where there's no secrets,
  • 01:03:41
    where I know that I'm safe.
  • 01:03:42
    She makes me better in so many ways.
  • 01:03:44
    She made this message better.
  • 01:03:46
    Every message that I give, I run by her.
  • 01:03:48
    "Hey, well, does this make any sense?"
  • 01:03:50
    She was like, "No, you should say it this way."
  • 01:03:52
    "That's way better." Everything.
  • 01:03:54
    A marriage will make you better.
  • 01:03:59
    If your marriage is in a desert
  • 01:04:01
    and you've been thinking the thing you need to do
  • 01:04:03
    is to sit down and relax.
  • 01:04:05
    No. Light a fire.
  • 01:04:08
    You want the spark back in your marriage?
  • 01:04:10
    Light a fire.
  • 01:04:12
    You want to have things reignited
  • 01:04:14
    in a positive way in your marriage?
  • 01:04:16
    Go home and do that thing that you know
  • 01:04:18
    that he wants you to do, or she wants you to do,
  • 01:04:20
    or stop doing the thing that they don't want you to do.
  • 01:04:22
    I promise it'll make a difference.
  • 01:04:24
    And you know what it is. You know what it is.
  • 01:04:27
    You know that thing you've refused to give up
  • 01:04:29
    that would mean the world.
  • 01:04:30
    Maybe it's big, maybe it's small.
  • 01:04:32
    Go home and do it, and you'll find a marriage
  • 01:04:35
    that has some life in it, that has some spark in it.
  • 01:04:39
    But you got to light that match, man.
  • 01:04:41
    You got to light that match.
  • 01:04:43
    Maybe you're somebody who walked in here
  • 01:04:45
    and that Devil's Bridge got you, and you're like,
  • 01:04:47
    "Man, I'm on the Devil's Bridge."
  • 01:04:48
    If so, burn it down. Burn it down.
  • 01:04:50
    It's not too late. Are you on it?
  • 01:04:52
    Burn it down. Get rid of it.
  • 01:04:54
    Get rid of whatever it is
  • 01:04:55
    that's forcing you to walk away.
  • 01:04:56
    Maybe it's that relationship with that person
  • 01:04:58
    at work that is kind of flirting with the line,
  • 01:05:00
    or maybe it's even crossed line.
  • 01:05:01
    Give that up. Burn the bridge down.
  • 01:05:03
    Commit to staying in your marriage.
  • 01:05:07
    Maybe for you it's the scorecard you need to burn.
  • 01:05:10
    You guys know the scorecard, right?
  • 01:05:11
    Scorecard of how many times have I done the dishes
  • 01:05:14
    versus how many times have you done the dishes?
  • 01:05:16
    Scorecard of I cook dinner so you got to clean dinner.
  • 01:05:19
    Scorecard, how much money did I get to spend
  • 01:05:21
    on frivolous stuff for myself versus how much
  • 01:05:23
    did you get to spend on stuff for yourself?
  • 01:05:25
    How much time did I get with my friends?
  • 01:05:26
    How much time did you get with your friends?
  • 01:05:28
    That's the scorecard.
  • 01:05:29
    I found that every single couple
  • 01:05:31
    starts with a scorecard,
  • 01:05:33
    but every single happy couple burns theirs at some point.
  • 01:05:36
    You can either keep score in your marriage
  • 01:05:38
    or you can keep your marriage.
  • 01:05:39
    You can't do both.
  • 01:05:40
    You might have a scorecard you need to burn,
  • 01:05:42
    but whatever it is, I'm telling you, burn it.
  • 01:05:45
    If it's a relaxing Saturday, burn it.
  • 01:05:48
    If it's drinks on the couch,
  • 01:05:50
    do you zone out at night
  • 01:05:51
    and you pay no attention to her? Burn it.
  • 01:05:53
    If it's the phone you run away to, burn it.
  • 01:05:55
    If it's the job that pulls you out of the house
  • 01:05:57
    too often, burn it.
  • 01:05:59
    Whatever it is, burn it to the ground.
  • 01:06:01
    You're holding a match. How will you use it?
  • 01:09:40
    - You want to know a secret?
  • 01:09:41
    Do you know that fire is the best seasoning?
  • 01:09:44
    It is.
  • 01:09:45
    There's a verse I found this year
  • 01:09:47
    that's meant more to me than any other.
  • 01:09:49
    Found it in January.
  • 01:09:50
    Been burning in my mind again and again and again.
  • 01:09:52
    It's Mark 9:49.
  • 01:09:53
    It's a promise from the words of Jesus. It says:
  • 01:10:00
    Everyone.
  • 01:10:02
    You will walk through hot, uncomfortable
  • 01:10:05
    and difficult times, but the promise of Jesus
  • 01:10:08
    is that the flames won't consume you.
  • 01:10:10
    They will season you.
  • 01:10:12
    They'll give you the seasoning of contentment,
  • 01:10:14
    the seasoning and the flavor of joy,
  • 01:10:17
    the flavor of safety and security
  • 01:10:20
    that they will if you walk through them,
  • 01:10:23
    if you choose to light the match.
  • 01:10:26
    What might that look for you this week?
  • 01:10:29
    It might be for you you've got the matches
  • 01:10:31
    in your hand, if the scorecard hit you,
  • 01:10:34
    my encouragement to you be go home,
  • 01:10:36
    write out the scorecard you've been keeping.
  • 01:10:38
    Bring it to your spouse and set it on fire.
  • 01:10:41
    Maybe it's the bridge for you.
  • 01:10:42
    Maybe it's the bridge you've been walking away from.
  • 01:10:44
    If that's true, set it on fire.
  • 01:10:48
    If you do, you'll become one of those couples
  • 01:10:51
    that everyone talks about. The happy ones.
  • 01:10:53
    Let me pray for you.
  • 01:10:54
    God, thank You so much for Your wisdom.
  • 01:10:56
    Thank You so much for Your truth
  • 01:10:58
    that's unlike the world's truth.
  • 01:11:00
    I ask that You would help us have the courage
  • 01:11:02
    and the boldness to follow You,
  • 01:11:04
    no matter what it costs us. Amen.
  • 01:11:08
    - So, I want you to sit in this moment
  • 01:11:10
    for just a minute, because whether or not
  • 01:11:12
    you're married, we want you to take away
  • 01:11:14
    that this is about sacrifice.
  • 01:11:16
    We can choose ourselves
  • 01:11:18
    or we can choose to give ourselves away.
  • 01:11:20
    One leads to loss and loneliness,
  • 01:11:22
    and the other leads to a lifetime of
  • 01:11:24
    the kind of love that marriage is meant to be.
  • 01:11:26
    - Yeah, the absolute best, best, best
  • 01:11:29
    marriage advice that we ever got was just simply,
  • 01:11:31
    it sounds a little funny, but it was eat the burnt toast.
  • 01:11:34
    We've all had that toaster that, like,
  • 01:11:35
    makes one piece of bread crispy golden brown
  • 01:11:38
    perfection and the other just charcoal.
  • 01:11:40
    Man, this is an opportunity for us to sacrifice.
  • 01:11:43
    Like Kyle has been talking marriage
  • 01:11:45
    and any relationship requires us
  • 01:11:47
    to just acknowledge sacrifice is key
  • 01:11:50
    if we don't just want to see
  • 01:11:51
    the whole relationship burn to the ground.
  • 01:11:54
    And if we want to see love and growth
  • 01:11:57
    and build a relationship that lasts.
  • 01:11:59
    - And if you're struggling in your marriage
  • 01:12:01
    or your singleness or in really any aspect of your life,
  • 01:12:04
    our team would genuinely love to connect with you,
  • 01:12:07
    pray for you, know you, help you walk through it.
  • 01:12:09
    You can email either of us directly:
  • 01:12:11
    Rachel.Reider@crossroads.net or Andy.Reider@crossroads.net,
  • 01:12:14
    or head to Crossroads.net/anywhere
  • 01:12:16
    to chat with one of us on the Anywhere team.
  • 01:12:18
    We would love to hear from you
  • 01:12:20
    and actually connect in real life.
  • 01:12:21
    - Yeah, it's seriously the best part of our job
  • 01:12:24
    and we love hearing what you need prayer for
  • 01:12:26
    and praying for you.
  • 01:12:27
    And we love hearing the life change
  • 01:12:29
    that's happening in your life,
  • 01:12:31
    in your neighborhood, in your communities.
  • 01:12:33
    We've recently just heard from couples
  • 01:12:35
    in the marriage cohort that we're leading,
  • 01:12:36
    man, who are seeing their relationship restored
  • 01:12:39
    like fresh life.
  • 01:12:41
    We've got people in our singles cohort
  • 01:12:43
    who are shaking off old baggage
  • 01:12:44
    from past relationships or hurt like once and for all.
  • 01:12:48
    And people in our monthly prayer that are
  • 01:12:50
    experiencing physical healings, like, legit miracles.
  • 01:12:53
    This is all stuff that you can be a part of
  • 01:12:55
    no matter where you live.
  • 01:12:57
    - Yeah, and lastly, we'd love to see you
  • 01:12:59
    this year at our Crossroads Anywhere Weekend.
  • 01:13:02
    It is a chance for everyone
  • 01:13:03
    who doesn't live near a physical site
  • 01:13:05
    to get to Cincinnati for live
  • 01:13:06
    worship, new friends, and honestly,
  • 01:13:08
    it's just going to be a lot of fun this year.
  • 01:13:10
    Our goal is simply to fill you up. That's it.
  • 01:13:12
    We're not asking anything from you.
  • 01:13:14
    We are just planning everything we can
  • 01:13:15
    to help you detox from the stress and exhaustion
  • 01:13:18
    and natural effects of daily life,
  • 01:13:20
    simply leave filled up and more connected.
  • 01:13:22
    So this is the weekend you do not want to miss,
  • 01:13:24
    so we will lower any barrier we can to make it happen.
  • 01:13:27
    If you can get here,
  • 01:13:28
    the whole rest of the weekend is on us:
  • 01:13:30
    all food, experiences,
  • 01:13:31
    and even a place to stay if you need it.
  • 01:13:33
    So you still have a chance to sign up
  • 01:13:35
    and check out all the details at
  • 01:13:36
    Crossroads.net/anywhereweekend.
  • 01:13:38
    - Hey, thanks for joining.
  • 01:13:39
    We'll see you back next week.

Process, journal or discuss the themes of this article - here's a few questions to get the ball rolling...

Welcome to the Weekend-Follow Up! This is the group part of the Bible Challenge, so your questions are based on specific Bible passages from the weekend message. Each week, your group will discover what God might be saying to you, and how you can respond through a group discussion.

  1. Who was a childhood friend growing up? What are some fun things you two did together?

  2. What stood out to you most from the message?

  3. Think of a relationship that you value. How would you like to grow closer to that person?

  4. Describe a time when you felt stuck in a relationship (marriage or otherwise). What was one thing in that relationship that made it difficult to move forward at the time?

  5. What can make it difficult for you to love others sacrificially?

  6. Read Romans 5:8. When you think about this love, how does it affect or resonate with you? Where do you still want to experience Jesus’ love?

  7. Read 1 John 3:16. Who’s someone you can begin to show sacrificial love to someone in your life right now?

  8. Let’s end with prayer. You can say something like, “Jesus, thank you for loving us and being the example of what real sacrificial love looks like. Give us the courage to take the next step in our marriage or a friendship to love like you love us. Amen.”

More from the Weekend

Bonus Questions! Check these out if you’re on a roll and want to go a little deeper.

  • Reflect back on a valued relationship in which you both went through a fight, obstacle, or “desert.” What was one way you two were able to work through it to become more connected?
  • Share with the group how some ways your marriage or another close relationship has brought you joy. What are some reasons why you love that person?

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(This stuff helps us figure out how many fruitcakes to make come December)

You must include at least one person

Got it! Enjoy your discussion.


Jun 22, 2024 1 hr 13 mins 43 sec

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