Fixing The Gap Between You And Me

Thanks 2020. This year, we’re all more isolated and disconnected from one another than ever, and it isn’t just social distancing. There’s a real gap between us—in our families, our neighborhoods, our politics and beliefs. We were made for a better life than this—so let’s talk right now about how to bridge that gap.

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    A life with God doesn't have to be boring.
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    You were made for adventure.
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    It can be a heart pounding life of purpose.
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    Join us every weekend for 30 minutes, challenge, hope
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    and encouragement to guide you on your spiritual adventure.
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    - Hey, everyone, and welcome to Crossroads Church.
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    My name is Hannah, and I'm so glad you're here with us today.
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    No matter where you are on your spiritual adventure,
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    we're here to help you.
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    There seems to be an increasing gap between us.
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    No, not just you and me, because obviously
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    there's a screen or whatever between us,
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    but I mean us and our relationships, in our workplaces,
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    and in our families and, yes, even our politics.
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    Our fuses are shorter with each other.
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    And we can't even get on the same page
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    about what we think, believe or even tolerate from each other.
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    Today, we're going to hear from one of our teaching pastors,
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    Kyle Ranson, about why that gap exists,
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    how it seems to be getting even wider,
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    and what we can do to fill it, to be closer
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    with our friends, neighbors, coworkers and family.
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    Let's get started.
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    - Do you feel like no matter what you do
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    there's just this gap between you
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    and even the people closest to you.
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    This gap of not being on the same page,
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    you're just missing each other
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    or just not quite connecting and continually bumping
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    into each other and causing pain and frustration?
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    You know I've felt that in my life.
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    I felt that between me and friends, like,
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    "Wait, we had plans. Why are you bailing on me?"
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    I felt that between me and my wife, Sarah,
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    "Wait, I thought we promised to care for each other.
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    How come it seems like you can't even see me right now?"
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    I felt that between me and my kids.
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    "Wait, since when did you start talking back to me?"
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    I felt it between me and my coworkers.
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    "How come it seems like you care more about your thing than our thing?"
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    If none of that resonates with you, if every relationship
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    in your life is perfect, today won't help you.
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    But if you've got any relationship in your life
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    where you want to see improvement, today is going to, I hope,
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    give you a fresh perspective, language and set of tools
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    to use to close the gap.
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    So we're going to unlock a simple set of ancient truths
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    that I believe hold the key to fixing the gap,
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    no matter which relationship in your life
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    is currently causing you pain.
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    Hey, I'm Kyle, by the way, I'm a professional teaching pastor
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    at Crossroads and a very, very amateur woodworker.
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    I did, you know, I puffed up my chest and said,
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    "All right, I'm going to go build a table.
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    It's going to be awesome."
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    I head out to the garage, I get out there.
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    I'm like, "Time to pull out my phone and search YouTube,
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    because I have no idea what I'm doing."
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    It took me months and months and more money and tools
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    than the table she wanted to buy in the first place.
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    Don't tell her that.
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    But I built it and I learned a bunch of stuff
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    about table making all along the way.
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    And now, years later, I built most of the furniture in my house
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    and many, many tables, including this one, my coffee table.
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    And what I love about this one, it's one of my favorite, by the way,
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    is that it looks like one single piece of wood, but it's not.
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    It's actually four distinct and separate pieces joined
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    together into one.
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    Now, do you know how that happens?
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    Before I watched all those videos about woodworking,
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    I just assumed when I saw a table like this,
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    there were probably some kind of hidden screws someplace
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    that I couldn't see or, you know, like long bars of metal
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    that were connecting the whole thing together or something.
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    Surely there had to be something I couldn't see
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    that was metal holding the whole thing together.
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    That's not actually true.
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    The way it turns out that you bond individual boards
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    into one piece is simple.
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    The only ingredients you need are pressure
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    and the right thing in the gap.
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    If you get those two things together, what you end up with
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    is a completely unified table.
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    Pressure and the right thing in the gap make a unified table.
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    Now, what's really fascinating, I think, about this
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    is that the strongest part of this entire table
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    are actually the joints.
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    See, if this were to break and someday it probably will
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    because they have two boys and they love to wrestle each other.
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    So one day one of the boys is going to throw the other one
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    through this coffee table and it will break.
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    When it does, it is much more likely that
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    and the Son of God come to rescue them."
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    Jesus's dream for the church is simple: It's unity.
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    It's also the one prayer He prayed for us.
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    It happens in John 17.
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    Here are His words, the words of Jesus. He said:
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    He says when this happens it will be so incredible,
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    so unseen that any other place in the world
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    that everyone want to go, "Oh, my gosh.
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    Jesus is who He says He is."
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    Isn't that amazing?
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    So the picture is that we would be individuals,
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    but so bonded together that when the world looks at us,
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    what they would see is one, one church, one mind.
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    That means every gap closed in every relationship.
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    How in the world would that ever happen?
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    Well, it turns out the same exact way as making a table:
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    pressure plus the right thing in the gap is what leads to unity.
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    In woodworking, you need giant clamps like these
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    to supply the pressure.
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    These are called parallel clamps.
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    And each one of them supplies 1700 pounds of pressure,
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    which is a ton of pressure.
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    But when it comes to relationships,
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    we don't need anything to supply the pressure
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    because the world itself supplies the pressure.
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    In John 16:33 Jesus said this:
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    In the world right now there is plenty of trouble, right?
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    And trouble brings pressure.
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    Has anyone else felt the pressure this year?
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    A pandemic, a divisive election season,
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    financial stress, emotional fatigue.
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    I want you to think about the relationships in your life
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    and where you're feeling the pain of that pressure right now.
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    Maybe it's between you and your spouse.
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    Have you been arguing more lately?
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    Maybe it's you and that friend who you used to text
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    with every day, but you haven't heard from them in weeks.
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    And maybe it's you and your kids, the same kids
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    that used to crawl into your lap and beg me to read book
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    after book after book.
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    Now, every time you're in the same room,
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    you can't stop shouting at each other.
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    Or maybe it's at work.
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    Maybe it's between you and your boss
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    and though you've never said it to their face,
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    whenever your friends ask you how work is going
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    you just start with, "Man, I don't know how much longer
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    I can keep doing this."
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    My question is this: Is the pressure bonding you closer
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    to your friends, your work teammates,
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    or is the pressure splitting you apart?
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    The key is what you choose to put in the gap.
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    See, in every single relationship, there is a gap.
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    It's the gap between me and you.
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    The gap exists because despite the fact that we would
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    sometimes love to be able to read each other's minds.
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    I know my wife Sarah would love me to be able to
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    just know exactly what she's thinking and feeling at all times.
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    I can't, there's a gap between us,
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    things that I can't know because I'm not her.
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    Things we can't know because I'm not you.
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    The gap is things like our thoughts, our feelings,
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    our motivations, our intentions.
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    But the thing is, we don't leave the gap blank.
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    We don't leave the gap empty, we fill it in every time.
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    When I don't know your motivations, I fill them in.
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    And the thing is, there's only two options
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    at the end of the day, two options of what to put in this gap.
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    And what we choose determines
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    whether we will bond together or break apart.
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    The two options: our trust, which trust is saying
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    when I don't know, when there's a gap between me and you,
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    I will choose to trust you.
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    I will choose to believe the best.
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    The only other option on what to put in the gap is suspicion.
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    Suspicion says when I don't know, I will assume the worst.
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    Whether you choose to put trust in the gap
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    or suspicion in the gap is the thing that will determine
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    whether the relationships in your life bond together
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    in strength and in unity or break apart forever.
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    This is the same gap, by the way, that we see
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    in bigger, more systematic issues
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    and divisions in our country.
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    Because see, it's not just me, me further out becomes us,
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    and it's not just you, you further out becomes them.
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    And we end up with these big gaps in division
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    in our nation between us and them, between white and black,
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    between Democrat and Republican.
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    And there's this gap.
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    And what we choose to put in the gap will determine
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    the same thing for these big issues.
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    Do I choose to put trust or suspicion in the gap?
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    It all comes down to that.
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    By default, we are born suspicious.
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    Suspicion is what is in the gap.
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    Think about this for a second with me.
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    When a baby is born and it doesn't know what's going on,
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    what does it do, Mom and Dad?
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    Does it smile and assume the best, you know,
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    when like in the middle of the night,
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    it wakes up in its crib alone, does it think, you know,
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    "I'll bet mom and dad are probably close by,"
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    or, "I'm hungry, but, you know, gosh, I bet food's coming soon,"
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    or, "I don't want to sleep. But you know what?
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    I trust that mom laid me down for a nap
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    and I trust that mom knows best."
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    No, that's not what babies do.
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    Babies don't do that at all?
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    They cry. They freak the crap out all the time. Why?
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    Because they don't trust you.
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    Really, we're born this way.
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    We are all born suspicious.
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    This applies in every single relationship,
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    it's our starting spot, it's our default,
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    including between us and God.
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    Suspicion is actually part of the very first sin.
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    See, in this gap between God and man, Satan inserts suspicion.
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    And whether you think this story is an allegory
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    or a metaphor or fact, it doesn't really matter for this point.
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    The point is suspicion is inserted.
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    The story goes like this, it's from Genesis 3:1, it says:
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    He says, "I mean, really? Is that what God says?
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    You know, He said -- you're not going to die.
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    What He's really after, His real intentions,
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    His real motivations are to stop you from being like Him."
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    And ever since, suspicion is our default setting.
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    Think about this with masks.
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    You know, how many of us have seen somebody with a mask,
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    and if you think masks are good, you see somebody
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    without a mask and you immediately insert suspicion.
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    "Oh, you're a bad person or you don't care about me."
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    Or vice versa, if you don't want to wear a mask
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    and you should see somebody with a mask on,
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    what do you think in your head?
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    Not, "Oh, you probably have a really good reason for that."
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    No, you think, "You're just giving into fear.
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    You're just overreacting."
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    This is our default setting.
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    Here's why this matters.
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    You have to understand you are not the exception,
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    and I'm not either.
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    We are all born holding suspicion.
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    But God's dream for our relationships and for His church
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    is unity, not to have suspicion.
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    His dream is that we would be so united,
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    so close together, that when you look at us
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    you wouldn't see multiple pieces, you would see one thing.
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    One is the word He used over and over again in John 17.
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    And the rest of the New Testament, that idea
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    of what kind of oneness is fleshed out.
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    I'm going to read you about six different scriptures
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    out of the New Testament that expand in this idea of oneness.
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    The first one is from Acts 4:32, it says:
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    OK, so if you step back from those
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    and we just do a little bit of math,
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    something really interesting emerges.
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    See we heard about being one heart one time.
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    We heard about having one voice one time.
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    We heard of having one spirit twice.
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    All of those are critically important.
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    But do you remember the one we heard the most?
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    Be of one mind.
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    Why does the New Testament stress the mind so much?
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    It's for this reason, because your mind, what you think
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    is what's in the gap.
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    It's your mind. It's your thoughts.
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    And your mind must be renewed.
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    Romans 12:2 says:
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    Now, do you know what that chapter goes into right after this?
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    A long description of how to think about each other,
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    thoughts we have.
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    What about you, what assumptions do you make
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    about what other people think about you
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    or want for you when you don't know?
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    Now, the hard part about suspicion is that
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    we're all so used to it's whispers in our ear
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    that we don't even hear it anymore.
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    It's talking to us, though, all of the time.
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    And if we want to learn how to get rid of suspicion in the gap,
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    we have to learn how to detect its voice.
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    Now, suspicion always says two things.
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    First, the voice of suspicion
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    is always whispering in your ear that it's simple.
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    It says phrases like this. Why? Why can't they just,
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    you know, this is particularly at work.
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    I hear this a lot at work between teams. You know?
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    It's why can't marketing just do the thing I want
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    or why can't sales just do the thing I want?
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    How come management has to blah, blah, blah?
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    Why can't they just X, Y and Z?
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    Suspicion always says it's simple.
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    Early on at Crossroads, I was leading
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    our weekend experience team,
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    helping create what happens on weekends.
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    And it was late in a week.
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    It was like a Thursday or something
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    and I had this last minute idea. It was a great idea.
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    I wanted a montage of video clips from different movies.
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    And so I called our video team director.
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    I said, "Hey, I have this great idea.
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    All you got to do is just pull these ten clips
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    and order them in this order."
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    And she said, "We can't do that. It's harder than you think.
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    It's not as simple as you're assuming."
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    And I chose not to believe her.
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    I said, "I don't -- I don't understand that."
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    I got to this point where I said, "Fine, I'll do it myself."
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    And she said fine.
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    And so I went to this place, it was called Blockbuster.
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    It was crazy, you walked in and you could rent things called DVDs.
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    And I got these ten movies, brought them home to my house,
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    sat down on my couch.
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    I thought, "I'll have this knocked out in,
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    I don't know, half an hour or so, how hard can this be?
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    And about four hours later, I was still searching for the clips
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    that in my mind where in these exact spots
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    and how hard could this be?
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    And the next day I went into work and I said to our video team director,
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    "I'm so sorry. I assumed it was simple.
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    It turns out it's not. I wish I had trusted you."
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    Suspicion always says it's simple.
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    Where in your life are you listening to that lie?
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    It taps into this thing that you and I have a built in mechanism
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    that wants to judge other people and assume sin.
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    You know, I spent years and years on our staff at Crossroads
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    before I had any leadership position.
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    And I would sometimes assume things, the worst things
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    about motivations and why we were doing things that I didn't like
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    and why not, I just always assumed
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    something worse than what was actually there.
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    You probably had this experience at Crossroads, too.
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    If you've ever heard us talk about money, did suspicion talk to you
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    and say it's sin, "They don't care about you? They just want your money."
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    Did you hear that lie?
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    That's the voice of suspicion.
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    It always assumes sin.
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    Meanwhile, 1 Corinthians 13, the chapter on love in the Bible,
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    the definitive chapter says that love thinks no evil.
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    It's all suspicion things about, though.
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    It's nasty, but there is a way out.
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    The antidote to suspicion is trust.
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    Now, trust doesn't come naturally to me,
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    and the reason is because trust is unnatural.
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    See trust is a continual choice you have to make
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    and if you don't make the choice you don't get trust.
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    But it's not a one time thing.
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    See trust is choosing again and again and again
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    to believe the best about somebody.
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    And that way it's actually a lot like faith.
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    You know, I used to wish, and I know this sounds crazy,
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    so just just go with me for a second.
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    I kind of used to wish that I had done drugs because see what
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    I thought faith was, was that it was a moment that you had.
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    That there would be this big, dramatic moment in your life
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    where everything was awful and then you just suddenly like came to faith.
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    And I would hear these stories and wish that I had one like that
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    and I didn't.
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    Since then, I've come to understand that
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    while a moment can happen for some people,
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    and if you've had that moment it can be amazing and dramatic
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    and inspiring in all the best ways.
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    It's not what faith is. That's conversion.
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    Faith is continuing to choose God again and again and again and again.
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    When I think about my life, if you asked me,
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    "Like the most faithful moment you've ever had in your life?
  • 00:21:49
    I would tell you it's not when I most believed in God, you know?
  • 00:21:53
    When I thought like, "Oh, for sure. For sure.
  • 00:21:56
    God is real and He's for me."
  • 00:21:57
    No, it's actually it's -- it's the moment where
  • 00:22:01
    I kind of wondered if He was still there or even cared about me,
  • 00:22:04
    but I reached out to Him all the same.
  • 00:22:07
    I chose to pray and say, "God, I need you."
  • 00:22:11
    I think that's the most faith filled moment of my life.
  • 00:22:16
    It's the same with trust.
  • 00:22:18
    There'll be moments in your life when you don't want to trust,
  • 00:22:22
    when you've made the choice again and again and again,
  • 00:22:24
    but suddenly it becomes harder.
  • 00:22:27
    The stakes are higher and you don't want to do it.
  • 00:22:30
    That's the moment you most need to trust.
  • 00:22:38
    Trust is the same, it's a continual choice
  • 00:22:40
    to believe the best about someone else.
  • 00:22:42
    Now, it's not about their skills, it's about their character and motivations.
  • 00:22:46
    By that I mean, it's not about saying to your neighbor,
  • 00:22:49
    who's a salesman, "Hey, man, I need open heart surgery
  • 00:22:51
    and I just want you to know I trust you.
  • 00:22:53
    And so here's the utility knife, and I'm going to lay down this table
  • 00:22:57
    and you just go get started because I trust you so much."
  • 00:22:59
    It's not about that.
  • 00:23:00
    You don't trust people for skills they don't have.
  • 00:23:02
    It means you trust their motivations,
  • 00:23:03
    you trust their character again and again and again and again.
  • 00:23:09
    And when you're first learning to build a table,
  • 00:23:11
    one of the things you have to learn,
  • 00:23:12
    which is actually kind of hard to learn,
  • 00:23:15
    is that you need to put so much more glue in the joint
  • 00:23:20
    than you ever thought was necessary.
  • 00:23:23
    See, most people when they start woodworking,
  • 00:23:24
    they just do this little like, hey, I'll just do like this
  • 00:23:28
    and then we're good because you learned in kindergarten
  • 00:23:31
    not to get messy with your glue.
  • 00:23:33
    But it doesn't work this way.
  • 00:23:35
    If you want boards to become unified,
  • 00:23:37
    you've got to overload the gaps with glue.
  • 00:23:43
    Put so much glue in there that when the pressure is applied
  • 00:23:47
    and the clamps come together, what you see is a line of glue.
  • 00:23:51
    That's how you know if you have enough of it.
  • 00:23:54
    The idea is a term called squeeze out.
  • 00:23:56
    You see it happening right here?
  • 00:23:58
    That means you've got enough glue in those joints.
  • 00:24:00
    It turns out if you want unity, here it comes,
  • 00:24:05
    you've got to have so much trust between you and the other person
  • 00:24:10
    that when pressure comes in your life,
  • 00:24:13
    what's visible to everybody else is how much you trust each other
  • 00:24:17
    when the pressure is applied.
  • 00:24:20
    There we go. Come on.
  • 00:24:23
    You see the trust come out.
  • 00:24:26
    This is what God says in 1 Corinthians 13.
  • 00:24:31
    You might have heard this chapter before at a wedding or some place.
  • 00:24:34
    It's kind of become like the wedding scripture.
  • 00:24:36
    It's because it talks about love.
  • 00:24:38
    It's the one that's like love is patient,
  • 00:24:39
    love is kind, you know, all that stuff.
  • 00:24:41
    Well, there's a section in there that not everybody always gets to
  • 00:24:46
    if they're trying to do the quick version at a wedding.
  • 00:24:48
    It's 1 Corinthians 13:7, it says:
  • 00:24:58
    Did you know that love promises to always trust?
  • 00:25:04
    See, when suspicion says it's simple,
  • 00:25:05
    trust chooses to believe that it's harder than I understand.
  • 00:25:10
    When suspicion says it's sin, trust chooses to believe
  • 00:25:14
    that they're following God's direction every time.
  • 00:25:17
    When suspicion says they're selfish,
  • 00:25:19
    trust chooses to believe that they want the best for me,
  • 00:25:22
    even more than they want the best for them.
  • 00:25:24
    And I know it can be hard. I know it can be hard,
  • 00:25:27
    but you don't get to unity in your relationships any other way.
  • 00:25:31
    If you want the blessing that comes from being bonded together
  • 00:25:33
    with the people closest to you, you have to put trust in the gap.
  • 00:25:37
    You have the right thing in the gap between you and me,
  • 00:25:40
    otherwise you don't get unity.
  • 00:25:41
    By the way, if you put the wrong thing in the gap,
  • 00:26:42
    Will you engage with them differently? Will you listen?
  • 00:26:43
    The choice is yours. No one can make it for you.
  • 00:26:45
    If you want unity in your life,
  • 00:26:48
    you must overload the gap between you with trust.
  • 00:26:56
    - I know that there are some areas in my life
  • 00:26:58
    where I just automatically go to suspicion.
  • 00:27:01
    I grew up with a lot of sisters and any time
  • 00:27:03
    an article of my clothing was missing, I just knew that it was them.
  • 00:27:07
    I was always suspicious.
  • 00:27:09
    But, you know, another place I used to be suspicious was with my money.
  • 00:27:12
    It was always easy for suspicion to creep in.
  • 00:27:15
    But when I decided to trust God with my money,
  • 00:27:18
    instead of being suspicious, everything changed.
  • 00:27:21
    God challenges us to spread his message through the church by giving.
  • 00:27:25
    And if that's you, well done.
  • 00:27:27
    But if you want to give for the first time or just learn more,
  • 00:27:29
    you can go to or text Crossroads to 313131.
  • 00:27:36
    We have a lot more than our weekend services
  • 00:27:38
    and one of the things we do regularly is podcasts:
  • 00:27:41
    podcasts for women, podcast about parenting,
  • 00:27:44
    podcasts about living life aggressively and many more.
  • 00:27:47
    Let's take a look at some of our regularly occurring podcasts
  • 00:27:50
    that you can find at
  • 00:27:54
    - Life is crazier than ever these days,
  • 00:27:56
    you could use some hope, some encouragem
  • 00:27:57
    ent, fresh ideas,
  • 00:27:59
    faith driven perspective, and maybe even a little bit of laughter.
  • 00:28:03
    We've got you covered.
  • 00:28:05
    Parents, you are not alone.
  • 00:28:07
    Ladies, it's time for some real talk.
  • 00:28:09
    No matter who you are, stop settling.
  • 00:28:12
    No matter what stage of life you're in,
  • 00:28:14
    Crossroads podcasts have something to offer you.
  • 00:28:17
    Find them today on all major podcast platforms.
  • 00:28:32
    Now, I know what you may be thinking, which is, "Love always trusts?
  • 00:28:35
    That sounds like you're asking me to be always let down
  • 00:28:38
    because some people shouldn't be trusted.
  • 00:28:40
    I've done it before and they let me down again and again and again.
  • 00:28:43
    Love always trusts sounds like I'm always disappointed."
  • 00:28:46
    And here's the thing, yes, if you choose to trust people,
  • 00:28:50
    if you choose to put trust in the gap when you don't know,
  • 00:28:53
    sometimes you will get burned.
  • 00:28:56
    If you want a life in which you are never hurt,
  • 00:28:59
    you're never injured, you're never let down.
  • 00:29:00
    It's really easy, never trust anybody.
  • 00:29:03
    You will never get burned.
  • 00:29:05
    However, you will also miss out on the very best part of life,
  • 00:29:09
    the part that comes from being bonded together with somebody else,
  • 00:29:11
    the part that's only found in relationship and in unity.
  • 00:29:13
    And you won't ever experience what Jesus wants for your life, you won't.
  • 00:29:18
    Love always trusts.
  • 00:29:20
    You know, Jesus is not an exception.
  • 00:29:22
    Jesus sat down many times at a table with people
  • 00:29:26
    who broke His trust, who burned Him.
  • 00:29:29
    He had eleven disciples.
  • 00:29:30
    One of them was a guy named Judas, who Jesus trusted
  • 00:29:34
    so much so that He actually gave him the money box,
  • 00:29:38
    the money that supported their little band of ministry
  • 00:29:40
    as they were traveling around the countryside in Israel.
  • 00:29:42
    He gave him the money box,
  • 00:29:43
    even though He had reason to believe he wasn't trustworthy.
  • 00:29:47
    He still trusted him and He got burned.
  • 00:29:50
    Judas stole from the money box. Judas betrayed him.
  • 00:29:54
    But Jesus trusted anyway,
  • 00:29:58
    and on the other side of that was a blessing, a movement,
  • 00:30:00
    the 11 guys who rewarded that trust, who bonded together,
  • 00:30:04
    and who changed the world.
  • 00:30:06
    They're the reason we're having this conversation in the first place.
  • 00:30:09
    Jesus hasn't stopped trusting either, and He still gets burned.
  • 00:30:13
    Think about this, Jesus who scripture says knows
  • 00:30:17
    every single word that's on our tongue before we speak it,
  • 00:30:21
    who sees our real hearts.
  • 00:30:23
    He chooses to trust you and me again and again and again and again.
  • 00:30:30
    Scripture says that everything we have comes from Him.
  • 00:30:33
    That means He's trusting you right now
  • 00:30:35
    by literally putting His money in your pocket.
  • 00:30:39
    He's trusting you right now by putting His mission in your hand.
  • 00:30:43
    He's trusting you by putting His children literally inside your house.
  • 00:30:48
    He's trusting you and here's the deal,
  • 00:30:50
    if you choose trust, you will get burned,
  • 00:30:54
    but God will bless the effort and reward you
  • 00:30:57
    with relationships that make it worth it.
  • 00:31:00
    Now, I don't know where the gap is
  • 00:31:02
    between you and somebody else in your life.
  • 00:31:04
    I don't know what kind of relationship it is.
  • 00:31:05
    Maybe your gap is with somebody who you have
  • 00:31:08
    no experience with in your life, maybe it's somebody new.
  • 00:31:10
    You just started a new job. It's a new boss.
  • 00:31:13
    You just got a new roommate.
  • 00:31:14
    You just moved in, started a new year at college.
  • 00:31:18
    You never met this person. It's your freshman year, you have no idea.
  • 00:31:21
    What do you do in that case?
  • 00:31:22
    If you have no experience with them, you don't know them?
  • 00:31:24
    Easy, you trust from the beginning.
  • 00:31:28
    From the beginning, you found the relationship on
  • 00:31:30
    when I don't know what's in the gap between us,
  • 00:31:33
    I'm going to choose to believe the best.
  • 00:31:36
    Maybe the gap in your life is with somebody
  • 00:31:38
    who you don't have as much experience with yourself,
  • 00:31:41
    but somebody else does who you know,
  • 00:31:43
    and they've been whispering to you,
  • 00:31:45
    telling you that they're untrustworthy.
  • 00:31:46
    Maybe you were in a department, you just got a transfer to a new one
  • 00:31:49
    and your coworkers have told you like, "Hey, he's not the best boss.
  • 00:31:53
    Hey, he's only out for him. Hey, watch out for this."
  • 00:31:57
    What do you do when you've heard someone is untrustworthy?
  • 00:32:02
    Easy again, you choose to trust; you don't start with suspicion.
  • 00:32:07
    That same chapter that says that love always trusts
  • 00:32:10
    also says that love keeps no record of wrongs, no record.
  • 00:32:14
    It means you and I don't keep records.
  • 00:32:15
    It means we don't accept transfer files from another department,
  • 00:32:18
    somebody else who says they let me down,
  • 00:32:21
    we don't go, "Great, thank you so much."
  • 00:32:23
    No, we choose to trust from the beginning.
  • 00:32:28
    Maybe the gap in your life is with somebody
  • 00:32:31
    who you have firsthand experience with at breaking your trust.
  • 00:32:35
    How do you trust somebody who has broken your trust before?
  • 00:32:39
    This is the hardest situation.
  • 00:32:40
    Let me say from the beginning, there are situations
  • 00:32:42
    where you trusting somebody to keep you safe is a bad idea,
  • 00:32:46
    who's broken your trust and it could be dangerous for you
  • 00:32:48
    to go in and trust that they'll protect you.
  • 00:32:51
    There are situations of abuse and neglect in your life.
  • 00:32:54
    And I'm not saying put yourself or your children in harm's way.
  • 00:32:58
    That's not what this talk is about.
  • 00:32:59
    This is about trusting someone's heart and motives,
  • 00:33:02
    their character of saying, "I'm sorry and I want to try again."
  • 00:33:07
    You can trust their heart. That's what this is about.
  • 00:33:10
    So how do you trust somebody who has before
  • 00:33:13
    in your life shown themselves to be untrustworthy?
  • 00:33:16
    Well, first, you don't ignore the situation.
  • 00:33:19
    This is not a sweep it under the rug message.
  • 00:33:21
    This is not a suck it up message.
  • 00:33:22
    This is not a pretend everything is OK message, not at all.
  • 00:33:25
    You confront them. You're candid about what happened.
  • 00:33:29
    "Hey, back here, you broke my trust.
  • 00:33:32
    You said one thing and you did another.
  • 00:33:34
    You promised one thing
  • 00:33:35
    and you delivered something different."
  • 00:33:37
    You have a candid conversation.
  • 00:33:39
    But when that person says to you, "I'm sorry.
  • 00:33:44
    I broke your trust, would you forgive me?
  • 00:33:48
    Will you give me a second chance?"
  • 00:33:49
    You say yes and then you do.
  • 00:33:51
    Love keeps no record of wrong, you go back to trust.
  • 00:33:56
    And right now in our world, it is game time.
  • 00:34:00
    There is more pressure on our lives for most of us
  • 00:34:03
    than at any other time in our life.
  • 00:34:05
    And here's the thing, friends, it's not going anywhere.
  • 00:34:09
    It's not; it's not changing.
  • 00:34:11
    The pressure is not going away.
  • 00:34:12
    If the pandemic ends, something else is coming.
  • 00:34:15
    The world will supply the pressure.
  • 00:34:17
    And as much as you want to run away, you want to escape,
  • 00:34:19
    you want a time out, and you go on vacation,
  • 00:34:21
    it will be here when you get back.
  • 00:34:24
    And that pressure will either break you apart
  • 00:34:26
    or it can bond you together.
  • 00:34:30
    The health of the relationships in your life
  • 00:34:32
    will be directly determined by how often
  • 00:34:34
    you choose to put trust in the gap.
  • 00:34:39
    If you do, man, I'm telling you, you --
  • 00:34:44
    the picture of unity in your life will be amazing.
  • 00:34:47
    If you put trust in the gap,
  • 00:34:49
    you'll have the marriage you always wanted.
  • 00:34:51
    The marriage that looks like one.
  • 00:34:53
    People will look at you and go, "How do they do it?
  • 00:34:55
    It's like one heart, one mind."
  • 00:34:58
    If you choose to put trust in the gap,
  • 00:35:00
    you can have the team culture at work that you want.
  • 00:35:02
    "Oh, my gosh. It's like one team,
  • 00:35:04
    they think the same way, the same direction.
  • 00:35:06
    The results they're getting is incredible."
  • 00:35:08
    If you put trust in the gap,
  • 00:35:10
    you will pour Miracle-Gro on your friendships.
  • 00:35:13
    "Oh, my goodness, I wish I had the support system they had.
  • 00:35:15
    I wish I had that group that they have. It's incredible."
  • 00:35:19
    If we choose to put trust in the gap, if we do this,
  • 00:35:23
    if we all do this, we will see unity.
  • 00:35:27
    We'll see the giant divisions in our nation
  • 00:35:29
    that threaten to break us apart, will have not a chance of closing.
  • 00:35:33
    We'll see the "us"s and the "them"s disappear.
  • 00:35:35
    They'll be gone.
  • 00:35:36
    If we choose to trust, it may be the thing,
  • 00:35:41
    the one work we do in our whole lives
  • 00:35:44
    that brings the most people to Jesus.
  • 00:35:47
    John 17: Father, may they be one as we are one.
  • 00:35:53
    Let me pray for you and your relationships right now.
  • 00:35:56
    God, I thank you for the promise You make
  • 00:36:01
    and the road you set before us.
  • 00:36:02
    Not an easy road, God. Not a simple road, but clear one.
  • 00:36:07
    Would You empower us to trust again and again.
  • 00:36:11
    Would You heal us when we get burned,
  • 00:36:13
    when our suspicions would have been validated, God.
  • 00:36:15
    And would You unite us together,
  • 00:36:17
    would you make the lines between me and you disappear?
  • 00:36:20
    Would you make the lines between us and them disappear?
  • 00:36:22
    Would you bond us together in that picture of one church
  • 00:36:26
    who looks like You so that the world may believe
  • 00:36:29
    You are who You said You are. Amen.
  • 00:36:32
    Now, this is not a self-help message.
  • 00:36:34
    This is not one we're going to do on our own.
  • 00:36:36
    So right now, we're going to turn our attention to God
  • 00:36:38
    and sing together to Him.
  • 00:45:23
    - We heard from Kyle that one of the best ways
  • 00:45:25
    to fill the gap that exists between us with trust
  • 00:45:28
    is by gathering around a table like the one he was making.
  • 00:45:32
    We want to help one lucky family do that
  • 00:45:34
    by giving away the same table that Kyle just built.
  • 00:45:38
    Anyone can enter to win this random drawing at
  • 00:45:40 by Friday, September 11.
  • 00:45:46
    Whoever you are, wherever you are,
  • 00:45:48
    we'll ship the table right to your home.
  • 00:45:50
    The best way to watch Crossroads is by downloading
  • 00:45:53
    the Crossroads app on your iPhone, Android, or TV
  • 00:45:56
    and never miss a service again.
  • 00:45:59
    You can get notified when a new episode premieres
  • 00:46:01
    by texting NEXT to 313131.
  • 00:46:06
    Next week we start a new series called Taking Control
  • 00:46:08
    about how God has made us each managers of our own lives.
  • 00:46:14
    - Does this feel like your life right now?
  • 00:46:16
    You can't control everything,
  • 00:46:18
    but you can control more than you think.
  • 00:46:20
    God wants you to be a boss with what you've got:
  • 00:46:23
    your finances, your relationships, your whole life.
  • 00:46:26
    He wants you to grab the wheel and rip it.
  • 00:46:28
    Taking Control, a new Crossroads weekly streaming series,
  • 00:46:31
    inspiration to fill you up and challenge to change your week.
  • 00:46:36
    You'll learn how to take control of what God gave you.
  • 00:46:39
    Get started at
  • 00:46:45
    - Thanks for watching.
  • 00:46:46
    and I want to help you go on your spiritual adventure.
  • 00:46:50
    We have a community of people that gathers online
  • 00:46:52
    to go on an adventure together through processing
  • 00:46:55
    the weekend message and applying it week in and week out.
  • 00:46:59
    We call these Weekend Follow-up Groups
  • 00:47:01
    and you join one today from anywhere you are
  • 00:47:03
    by heading to
  • 00:47:07
    It might just be the thing that takes you
  • 00:47:08
    to the next place on your adventure with God.
  • 00:47:11
    We'll see you next week.

Process, journal or discuss the themes of this article - here's a few questions to get the ball rolling...

Welcome to the Weekend Follow Up.

  1. School is back in session, and it’s almost time to pull out the jackets and pumpkins. What are you most looking forward to as fall approaches?

  2. Pressure + “The Right Thing” = Unity. Where is the pain of the pressure being applied to you right now? How do you notice it affecting relationships?

  3. We have two options on what to fill the gap with — trust or suspicion. Our choice will determine if we come closer in unity or break a part. What is your default option, trust or suspicion? Why do you think that’s your go-to response?

  4. Read 1 Corinthians 13. There is a way out of suspicion and the antidote is trust. Think about that place where you are feeling pressure, and a relationship it’s effecting. Share one way you can fill that gap with trust this week.

  5. Take turns praying for each other for what was shared. You can use this example: “God I thank you for desiring unity. Help us to pursue unity in our lives. Please help us to choose trust again and again. Heal what’s under pressure and help us be aware when we want to choose suspicion. Help us to look more like you. Amen.”

More from the Weekend

One of the best ways to fill the gap that exist between us is by gathering around a table. We want to help one lucky family do that by giving away the same table that Kyle built. Anyone can enter to win this random drawing and we’ll ship it to you. Enter here by Friday September 11th, 2020.

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Sep 5, 2020 47 mins 31 sec

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