Hey guys, Judd again!
I know, you’re like, “holy crap dude, give it a rest.” But guess what, I’m not gonna. I’m gonna do you like Ferris did Cameron! ONE MORE DAY TO SIGN UP.
If you’re still on the fence about going to MAN CAMP, let’s consider some crappy things you could do with your weekend, instead of being awesome with a bunch of dudes in the woods and hanging out with Jesus.
I’m on a roll with all these lists, so here’s another one. Here are 15 worse ways to spend a weekend than going to MAN CAMP.
Remember that time you went to bed early? I DIDN’T THINK SO. Sleep when you’re dead. Come to MAN CAMP and make a memory.
Did you know nature is an actual drug? I bet you didn’t. Sitting outside your tent, nursing a fire back to life while you have your morning coffee is glorious. Sitting on your couch, flipping through whatever ridiculous feed serves as your connection to the world sucks. Get outside and feel something real. Even if that’s a cold morning drizzle.
I get it, your kids are great. And that thing they do on Saturdays is the most important thing in their whole tiny lives. Guess what, you being a better man is WAY more important than that. Especially if you sign up to go to something for somebody else’s kid. Abraham Lincoln said that if you gave him six hours to cut down a tree, he’d spend the first four sharpening his axe. IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO SHARPEN YOUR AXE. (If you don’t have kids, you probably have some similar falsely important thing you will end up doing.)
Look at you, mister OT King. If your boss thinks you need another 16 hours on the clock instead of 30 hours in the woods, YOU’VE GOT THE WRONG BOSS. When you spend the weekend working on YOU instead of working on whatever crap you typically work on, you’ll end up being way better at working on that crap. Trust me. Go tell your boss you’re gonna increase your productivity a brazillion times and tell him he’s gonna pay for it! (Shoot, why not try it?)
That’s actually a pretty great way to spend a weekend. But MAN CAMP is at least 8% better. No matter how many times you see that glorious brilliant sonofagun slip out of some sticky situation, you won’t get any smarter. In fact, you’ll actually get dumber. Come to MAN CAMP and meet some real-life guys who can show you how to do some actual man stuff.
Ugh, I got depressed just typing that. Try something NEW, for crying out loud. Riblets are great and that brutus beer makes you feel like a man but that stuff is killing you, man. Like literally lowering your life expectancy. If you’re having dinner somewhere with a laminated menu, just go home. You need to get a taste of life roasted over a campfire and smoked (with actual smoke) until it’s dripping goodness. If you’ve never had a can of vienna sausages heated to 1,000 degrees over an actual campfire, you haven’t lived!
This is the one true skill of the modern man. This is my wheelhouse. I love turds almost as much as I love sitting on my rear doing nothing. It’s great. But you know what, nothing good comes from being a lazy turd. You can kid yourself into thinking, “I deserve a few minutes of kicking back,” or “my week was so tough, I need to decompress”. Turns out, that’s ridiculous. Get up and get moving. Spend a weekend making yourself better. There’ll be plenty of time to be a lazy turd later.
Taxes are due before MAN CAMP anyway, so just forget it.
Quit it. Just stop. THIS is the only listicle you should ever read. Mostly because it’s written by someone who actually cares about you, instead of caring about how many clicks they can generate by posting a picture of boobies at the top of their listicle. (Boobies drive a lot of clicks.) Instead of scrolling your way through your weekend, take action. Make a bold move. Actually DO something. Then maybe write a listicle about what happened (without boobies).
I love guns. I’ve been known to shoot them occasionally (it helps to be built like a sandbag). But what do you think isolating yourself in a cave throwing lead down range is actually doing to you? Man, if there is a better way to tell others to leave you the hell alone, I’m not sure what it is.
Dogs are great. But a whole weekend? Weird. Don’t do that.
If you think the bloviating personality on the other end of that microphone cares about you, you’ve been snookered. Look, I’m not political but I know better than to think a guy that has never met me has my best interest at heart. Heck, some people that KNOW me don’t have my best interest at heart. Voluntarily submitting yourself to whatever propaganda machine is currently broadcasting at you is likely the reason you’re angry all the time. Why don’t you come out and hear someone that is really interested in you tell you about Jesus (who freaking loves you)?
You know what I’m talking about. Go to Home Depot. Maybe Bed Bath & Beyond. I mean, if you have time. You have 51 other chances to have an average weekend this year. DO MAN CAMP. DO THIS.
I don’t care if you found a great new selvedge store or you’re due for a new pair of dad jeans. Patch up the hole in the crotch, and go to MAN CAMP. You just bought yourself an extra six months of denim, right there. YOU’RE WELCOME.
It is happening to all of us but we can fight it. The best way to keep father time from kicking your butt is to stay in motion. None of the stuff above does that, but MAN CAMP will keep you moving.